Jack In The Box

I know... don't be frightened lol

2010-03-16T12:18:00.001-07:00

Skip months and now multiple posts in one day! Just in case anyone out there is still following me at all and especially if they are following me for the SPD I wanted to draw your attention to something fabulous!!! I received a comment from an amazing Mom named Hartley (such a cool name) who among other things has written a book dealing with SPD and has amazing Sensational Links on her blog. I have added her under my Sensational Friends links over there so definitely check her out and pay it forward!!!

Good thing I am a much better mother than blogger...

2010-03-16T07:45:00.000-07:00

So in our last post the boy was starting second grade and now he is almost finished with third. That picture over there is the first day of third grade. Where the hell does the time go and who gives it the permission to go there? It's wrong and rude and I disagree with the whole procedure. Ah well...

So here we are midway through the third grade and I am relieved to say doing well. Jack has come into his own in many ways including finally getting the hang of writing - can we say B on his report card!!! He is now learning to write in cursive and doing very well with it. I feel it has a lot to do with the fact that it is more like drawing but who knows - who cares really, he loves to write! YAY!!!

This lady is his teacher this year. She has been a gift from heaven for sure. As Jack says, "Mamma, she's just like you... she gets mad at me when she has to but I always know she loves me and she makes me feel excited to be learning." Yes, he did.

I spend an hour a week in his class helping - I love her because she lets me come and help. She actually welcomes me and lets me interact with the kids - we have a blast! The best part about it all for me is, let's be honest - we all know math is SO not my thing. These kids are doing ALGEBRA in third grade... yep, imagine the terror in my heart when he brings home his homework folder!! Luckily, I get one math class a week by volunteering on Wednesdays!!!! Yay me! I *am* as smart as a third grader lol

Since I am so far behind anyway...

2008-09-30T21:21:00.001-07:00

How'd you like to hear about the first day of school? OK, so it's a rhetorical question. I obviously wouldn't have asked if I didn't intend to tell you and frankly if you didn't want to know - well you wouldn't be here now would you?

Everything started innocently enough. He got right up, put on his clothes with no fight, ate all of his breakfast and grabbed the 462 pound backpack and headed for the door. On the way to the door he reminds me not to forget my camera, he wants some good shots (his words, not mine) of the day.

Who the hell is this kid? Freaking future creative director or something... see and it always, always goes back to the whole thing about nuts and trees.

So Mr. Creative Director steps outside and the facade begins to crumble.

He: It is still DARK out here!! We will not get any good shots, I don't care how special the new camera is.

He: It is humid Mamma. I hate that. It makes me feel gross.

He: I don't want any pictures, just forget it. I don't care.

Me: HOLD IT NOW!

He: Dissolves into hysteria complete with flailing arms, flopping body, dramatic sighs strategically placed for total emphasis of the abject misery he is currently in.

All this Tony-worthy drama because it is 6:30am on a Tuesday morning, in Florida, in August which translates to dark, nasty, humid, yuck. He IS NOT new here, this is SOP. The only time we love it here is those few gorgeous days of 10% or less humidity and a temp at 70 or under... the rest is, well, gross.

I try to divert, cajole, bribe, plead and am close to hysteria myself. The clock is ticking and the ONLY thing I am asking for today is ONE LOUSY HALFWAY DECENT PHOTO. Doesn't he understand? Doesn't he GET it? In less than an hour I will be ALONE, utterly and completely. The house won't have multiple TVs on with him in a room away from any of them building things and narrating with his constant soundtrack of effects. The animals will actually go lie down and sleep meaning I won't have an obstacle course to deal with. There will be no whining, no strange noises that when queried about their origin will be attributed to "nothing Mamma". The phone can ring and be answered without any interruption... except for the trembling of my weepy voice missing my loud, dirty, rebellious boy and all the hugs, kisses, and "Hey Mamma lookit this-es" that I got so used to over the long hard summer.

It is a happy day to be certain. He is in second grade and excited. He has several of his buddies in his class and he loves to be at that school, loves to learn and it is exactly where he should be. It is a good day for me too, I need to have some alone time to try and get a grip on my life and make plans and accomplish things.

He looks so tall and grown up today, full of purpose, hope, excitement. The baby has all but vanished from him, chubby cheeks gone. The legs that were once so fat that we were worried he would never be able to hold his own weight now long, straight and strong. Chubby little fists have grown into beautifully graceful, long fingered, little boy hands... and I am blessed that he still holds mine in his as we walk together to school.

Scouts is once again underway...

2008-09-30T20:37:00.000-07:00

Here is our Wolf in his uniform. It is crazy how much he has grown since last year. Thankfully though his shirt is still too big and his shorts still fit him... for now at least. Rob and I are both Assistant Leaders this year lol. Rob is still waiting for his patches to be sewn on his shirt. That will happen once my hands have healed from sewing mine on! Those suckers fight back!

The first "real" den meeting was hysterical. We were working on the first achievement which had the boys doing crab walks, flips, etc. We finally decided breaking them down into "platoons" would make it much easier to accomplish all we needed to. Unfortunately none of those pictures came out well...everything is a big blur. I don't know why I expected otherwise with 20 something 7 year olds cavorting about like demented wood nymphs.

I did manage to get a few pictures of our opening ceremony for your entertainment though.

They are a great bunch of kids, no matter how crazy they get. We have some new kids this year and they all seem to be really quiet. I hope they are just nervous and the quiet wears off lol!!

Ever see something so funny

2008-09-30T20:25:00.000-07:00

that you HAVE to take a picture?

A friend of ours gave us a hammock swing the other day. I had to run a basket to UPS and as I was leaving I heard Jack begging Daddy to put the swing up. When I got home I looked out the kitchen window and saw Jack sprawled in the swing oblivious to everything and singing. I snatched up the camera to try and take a pic from the window but it wasn't working out. Then I snuck outside but he caught me. It was still a funny photo op until I saw him thru my viewfinder...

Ever see something so gorgeous it takes your breath away?

He is just so stinkin' cute sometimes. Of course you can't hear him screeching at me in pictures....

Jack and Blake have a playdate....

2008-09-14T14:55:00.000-07:00

Via Webkinz.com lol

Pool Party!!!!

2008-08-13T19:34:00.000-07:00

We had a Pack Pool Party in July. The rec center we went to had two huge waterslides!!!! Jack did not go down them but *I* did lololol Oh how I dread the day I become uncool!! Those boys sat on the side of the pool and cheered, hysterical!

Pics below.... yeah, don't get excited. I know that Gwen took incriminating photos of me on the waterslide but they won't be showing up here thank you very much.

Jack and I do love a good sunset...

2008-08-13T18:53:00.000-07:00

Saturday was a sad and empty day. The poor boy was exhausted but already pining for his friends. We went to Dorian's and were all supposed to go to the beach and watch the sunset. The plans changed to a cookout and then fell apart all together. Jack and I were headed home when I realized he was crying.

"All I wanted was to go to see the sunset Mamma."

We raced out to Indian Rocks Beach - our favorite beach. Quiet and clean, usually not too crowded and then only with locals. We parked at our usual place - not telling - and hit the sand. Jack had a couple of army trucks with him and got busy with one of his most favorite activities. That boy loves to dig and make roads - especially at the beach!

While he created his city I people watched. I also noticed a rather worse for wear egret walking with some irritation up and down at the water. He wanted his dinner and there were too many people around for him to get it! A family nearby had sparklers and yet another with a brand new baby were dipping their toes in the water. The breeze at the beach is always a pleasant bonus, it was a gorgeous peaceful evening.

Jack was getting frustrated because we didn't have his buckets along. He ended up making friends with a small boy of probably three and they dug together. Neither spoke the other's language but still they communicated in the international language of boys, cars and dirt!

We spent a couple of hours out there just being silent and listening to the day say goodnight. I love those moments with my son. Just being there together, each doing our own thing but still together. Life can be so busy and hard sometimes that we forget what is truly important. Thanks Jack, for making me change the plan once again!

And then it was over...

2008-08-13T18:42:00.000-07:00

Just like that it was suddenly Friday. The day was PACKED with fun and Pirates.... no, I still can't give you an answer about the pirates. The boys played games, played on the waterslide, took their swimming tests and tried to qualify for the Jr. Shooting team.

Uh huh. Yeah. Shooting. As in guns. As in my baby had a BB gun, that he himself loaded, in his hands. And then he shot it. Jack was shooting a gun. There's the proof...

Know what? He OUTSHOT his den! Took him twice as long, my precise wee man, but he qualified on his first try. Do you have any idea how conflicted I feel about that????

Oh well, whaddaya gonna do?

Daddy came up when he got off work for the closing ceremonies. Each den did a skit and there was a pirate invasion. It was tons of fun and we are so ready for next year!!!!

Thursday's child is....

2008-08-13T18:29:00.001-07:00

FINALLY starting to get tired!

I had to work again this morning but made it to camp for lunch. When I arrived, everyone was congratulating me and seemed to know what had happened the afternoon before. I missed them calling Jack up at morning Council Circle and telling everyone what Jack had done the day before. Poor Jack was embarrassed. Later I asked him why....

He: "Mamma, I did the right thing but I did it the wrong way!"
Me: "But you did the right thing. That's all that matters my love."

The afternoon was fun. The highlight was the pancakes. Oh the pancakes! Who knew what a glorious load of fun could be had with batter, syrup, coffee tins and fire?!?!?!

Now, I claim heatstroke for what happened next. It's my story and I am sticking to it. Thursday we had Jack's first sleep over. I don't care what anyone says, it was a hoot! Dorian and Ely came home with us and we had Happy Meals and then Rob blew up the air mattresses and put them in Jack's room so that the floor was completely covered. Can you believe he was actually shocked when they wanted to JUMP on them LMAO????

The boys were as good as they could be and all in all it was a blast. I got a taste of a house full of boys and it was too much fun. I do have to confess though that I am very, very greatful that the good Lord in all His infinite wisdom only gave me one. I have no desire to spend the rest of my life in an institution - either penile or mental - and I most certainly would if I had the herd of boys I had originally hoped for!

I am sure that girls bring their own fun. I also am the first to admit that I am very biased. I had no idea how much filthy, smelly, squishy fun boys could be and I love every minute of it! I am almost thinking I might like being a cub scout more than they do lol!!

Wednesday's child...

2008-08-13T17:46:00.000-07:00

Became Wednesday's man. More on that later.

I was so excited to spend all day with the kids! Our first stop was the First Aid class. The paramedic handled the pelting of crazy questions the boys threw his way like a champ. He attempted to answer each one, even if they had to do with whether or not Optimus Prime could fit in the back of his ambulance!

I love this picture of Jack and Eaon, they are such good buddies and ended up together the rest of the day. They are so funny together, both are very earnest and very silly all at the same time which makes for some hysterical overheard conversations!

The rest of the day was filled with soccer, pioneer games, swimming and crafts. each event punctuated by water in some shape or form, misters, sprinklers and full on hoses. Let me tell you something, I have found a replacement for nerve gas. There is (so far) NOTHING I have ever smelled that can compare to hot, wet, sweaty, smelly little boy sneakers and feet after a week at scout camp! I am still not sure whether to be amazed or horrified that boys that small can make smells that big!

As if the day wasn't exciting enough, Jack lost another tooth at lunch! The boys were all scrambling around trying to find it! At first I thought, "Oh my gosh, HOW sweet!" Yeah, until I realized that their desperate hunt was based on the design that whomever found it could drill a hole in it and put it on their totem as a bead!!! Gads, those boys are gross LMAO!

The day was almost over and we were headed from the pool to council circle. Most of the den was already in their places but I was lagging behind with another leader, the wagon and two very tired scouts. Suddenly I noticed the temperature drop significantly - as in I felt COLD. In June. In Florida. I looked up and saw all too familiar looking clouds (well familiar to anyone who has ever lived in Oklahoma or seen a tornado show). I sent the other leader and the boys to the Dining Hall and scooted my chubby behind to the council circle to alert the others. Just as I came around the front of the circle the clouds were coming over the tree line at the back of the circle. Angry looking black/green clouds were roiling about in what had minutes before been a beautiful blue sky. Then suddenly the clouds started sucking themselves up inside of themselves and the temp dropped at least another ten degrees.

The Scouts were ordered to get into their dens and head for the Dining Hall. I waited a few seconds to be sure all the wee ones in tot lot had gone with their dens. As I came up over the ridge to head towards the Hall I see Jack's leader in frantic tears. I didn't have to be told. I knew a kid was missing and by the look in her eyes I knew it was mine.

Now, I know Jack. He hadn't run to the lake or into the woods, he was somewhere he felt safe and chances were he had motored it to the Dining Hall. Unfortunately the panic was contagious and this being the first time ever my kid had disappeared... well I didn't cry or freak but I was DANG close. Two other dads and I did a quick scour of the area and then I was commanded to head to the Hall. I obeyed and once I got in there was my child sitting quietly in his seat not possibly the least bit aware of the hysteria building in his honor.

I quietly went to him and asked him where he went. As his story unfolded before me I found myself crying... not because he had scared me, not from relief, but from pure, chest puffing, heart bursting pride.

Apparently when the signal went out for everyone to go to the Dining Hall Jack had obeyed. He was standing in line with his den when he saw one of the wee girls from tot lot standing alone and crying hysterically. "She was getting ready to be exploded by lightning so I took her to find her Mommy." The boy who is afraid of storms went WAY out of his personal comfort zone to help another person. Film at 11, Ticker Tape parade in the morning!!!!

When Packmaster came in I told him Jack was safe and relayed the story. He went to Jack, told him not to move that he would be right back. A couple of minutes later he came back and asked Jack to tell him what happened, which he did. Jack then received about a million beads for his act of courage and gallantry (their word).

Of course the commentary also included, "You did a very very good thing Jack, it was a little crazy but a very good thing. Of course, knowing your Mom the crazy part is to be expected."

Thanks Chris, much love lol

Tuesday's child is full of.....

2008-07-02T23:17:00.000-07:00

ENERGY despite hardly sleeping a wink all night! He was up at the crack of dawn and ready to roll! I dropped them off and then had to actually take care of some orders but made it back in time for lunch. The kids were already at the trading post swapping quarters for popsicles (as you do) so I wandered around the site in the relative quiet of the steamy afternoon.

I saw a sign for the chapel and wandered that way. There in the clearing was a little A-frame chapel. I peeked in and was surprised to see a gorgeous stained glass window! It was completely unexpected and yet fit perfectly in the surroundings.

I sat on one of the dusty benches, listening to the birds squawking in agitation at the invasion of their home as the laughter and shouts of the mass of boys were carried to me on the breeze. It's funny how you think you know what life will bring, the things you plan and hope for. You know some will be good, some will be bad and some will be really, truly great. As I sat there looking at the window, listening to the day's soundtrack I was overcome by just how amazing my life was right now, right at that minute. Amazed at how the twists and turns brought me to be willingly out in the hot, nasty heat in a glaring yellow (SO not my color) shirt surrounded by sweaty, loud, sticky little boys - and how happy and complete this made me feel. Even now, looking at the pictures and remembering the week makes me smile. It was a week of growth for everyone, parents and scouts alike, and I am so glad that I was able to be there.

I should probably explain a couple of things....

2008-07-02T22:27:00.000-07:00

You will notice as the week goes on beads begin appearing in various quantities on the totems and in some pictures some of the kids have things stuck to their shirts. You'll see day-glo cups in all the pics and will begin to notice a pirate theme emerging.

Beads - Each day the kids earn beads for various things. Each program they go to awards a certain number of beads, if they do something good they can get extra beads (or if they are bad they can lose beads). To get them to drink water they get a bead for each water break they take. If you are a hot, tired and frustrated mom who is tired of little boys not going potty you can get a bead for each spider you kill and flush in the bathrooms in the hopes they will finally pee.

Stickers - The stickers represent the characteristics of a good scout. If someone notices a cub going over and above they can award the child a sticker. If a leader is being a smart-ass she can award the Positive Attitude sticker to another leader who doesn't understand why parents don't send quarters for the Trading Post with their kid making the broke leader feel bad and rather like a change machine passing out quarters that she has "borrowed" from her own kid.

Cups - Each scout/staff receives a cup to ensure that we are drinking water. These cups are also a dirty trick that can cause a leader that may have certain artistic skills and be stationed in say, oh, Crafts for example to somehow end up decorating all the other leader's cups before they will let her come out and play again.

Wagons - In addition to their purely utilitarian function, wagons have many exciting additional features! Boys being rowdy?? Have some push while others pull the heavy wagon through the soft Florida sand.... they tame down pretty quickly. Have a bossy kid? Let them "lead" the group whilst pulling said wagon. They will begin to remember there is no I in team in record time. Have a tired leader? Well, we had four tired leaders and no one would let us ride in the wagon and the boys said they wouldn't pull us so we didn't test that feature.

Pirates - I have been in this Pack almost a year and I have no idea what the deal with pirates is. I know that we all love it and there is nothing cuter than a bunch of wee pirates running around... the dads look cool too. I do know that this year I will be getting myself a way cool pirate outfit too - or at least a hat!

It's Monday and the adventure begins...

2008-07-02T20:48:00.000-07:00

(To view the photos larger/download photos just click on them)

So as I said, we were up and out and on our way to pick up Ely in no time flat. For once I was on time, early even... that should have told me right there that it was almost time for it to all go south lol.

We arrive at Ely's and Jack bolts to the door and knocks excitedly and loudly much to the dismay of the neighbors and a fat kitty trying to sneak up on a lizzard. The door flies open and it is obvious that Ely and his Dad have overslept. No problem, I am early, you have plenty of time say I. (Insert mental pat on back and ignore the brain's whispered warning about pride and falls) Ely gets ready and the boys sit and play Ely's new DS for a few minutes while Dad gets the rest of the gear together. (Note the handcuffs in the picture... they spent 10 minutes taking turns handcuffing each other before they lost the key LMAO)

Finally we head to Big Red who almost seems excited herself to be a part of the big day. More gear loaded, more pictures taken, boys piled in and belts snapped, Jack's favorite 80's mix blares and we're off. Life is good, traffic is good, we are early and...what's that? My phone? Diane is calling? What... why... Hello?

She: (panicked, as she does) "Where are you?? You're never late (LMAO, she truly believes this to be true) is everything ok???"

Me: "Uh, we are getting on 19 now. I am not late, we have plenty of time. Kristin said to be there by nine."

She: "You are kidding me! You were supposed to be here at 8:15 for the staff meeting!!!!"

Well phooey.

No biggie, we headed north "singing" vintage Thomas Dolby ("Europa"), Erasure ("Chains of Love") and of course MARRS ("Pump up the Volume") at the top of our lungs. The singing for some reason distressed Ely, I can't imagine why lol.

We arrived at Camp Soule exactly when I planned to despite the fact that technically we were half an hour late. I drove around the circle and dropped the boys off at their respective dens - Den 1 for Jack and Den 2 for Ely.

After parking I reported for duty and discovered I would be in Crafts which was headquartered in the Dining Hall - no a/c but lots of fans!! We had a free period (and I hadn't realized yet that I could pretty much come and go as I needed/wanted) so I stood out on the porch and watched the dens heading to the Council Circle for the morning ceremonies and flag raising. It was a beautiful morning and a beautiful scene watching the bright green and yellow shirts bob against the blue of the lake on their way to celebrate the day.

I caught up with the boys at lunch and they were remarkably chipper for having been to three programs already! Sweaty, laughing and covered in dirt and paint they shouted over each other to tell me all about knots and cave painting as they swapped parts of lunches and ate cookies before carrots. After a recap the main topic of conversation - or pestering depending on your mood - was when oh when would they get to go to the Trading Post??

Now the Trading Post was GENIUS. Everything in the place was 25¢ and the menu was a little boy's dream come true: every imagineable color of freeze-pop, giant dill pickles, bugles, Slim Jims and so on. Jack thought he had died and gone to heaven with two freeze-pops (purple and orange, his fave combo) in one hand and giant dill pickle in the other...yeah, I know that's nasty but he likes it and the smile you get for letting him be gross is worth it all! Now behave and listen or I will come over there and make you eat freeze-pops and dill pickles too!

I decided that crafts could wait a few minutes and followed "Our Boys" out to the fishing dock. I caught up to them just in time to hear wee man squeal and see a fish flying through the air!! I don't know which was funnier the look on Jack's face or the speed with which the other boys came running... a couple ran over so quickly that they didn't realize they were dragging poor unsuspecting fishies from their forgotten rods!

The next time I caught up with the kids was at craft time that afternoon. They were the last group in and by the time they came tumbling in I realized just how much I had missed them and made a mental note that next year I wanted to be a Den Leader. The first day they were making their totems (name tag/bead hanger) and Den flags. The boys were running late and didn't have time to do their flags but they had a blast with the name tags. (And yes, that's me in all my yellow glory, not so much my color)

I will be honest and admit that at the time I did not understand how it could take more than thirty minutes for the boys to yank on shoes, socks and shirts after swimming. I will take this opportunity to publicly apologize for my stupidity. As I would learn later in the week, thirty minutes was a feat of unparalelled greatness.

And just like that, the day was over. I heard the whoops and Den yells drifting over on the afternoon seabreeze, felt the steamy day cool a bit, saw the sun wasn't quite so bright and knew that the afternoon thunderstorms and the boys were on their way. I couldn't wait to get in the car and hear all about the day, and what a day it was!

On Monday Jack:

Learned how to tie ten different knots,
Made cave paintings
Learned how to play marbles and won two games
Had lunch with his Mamma,
Fished for the first time, caught two blue gills and baited his own hook
After aborting the swim test he hopped right into the pool, swam like a fish and was bumped up a level on the first day
Learned how to shoot a bb gun and
Learned how to shoot a bow and arrow!

I am exhausted just typing it! Oh, despite Mr. Hurley's iron-clad guarantee that the kids would be passed out in the car on the way home Jack was up until almost midnight, too excited about Tuesday to sleep!

Finally the first installment of....

2008-07-02T20:31:00.001-07:00

The Adventures of Cub Scout Camp!!!!!!!

"What day is it?" "Is it today, Mamma?" "How many more days?"

Finally, after months of relatively patient waiting on Jack's part and slight trepidation on mine, it was FINALLY the big day! The lunches were packed in the required clearly identified gallon zip-lock bags, Jack's swim bag was properly packed and hanging on the doorknob, the new BSA hat and Camp Shirt were hanging on the bunk bed by the head of the still dreaming soon to be camper...

"Good mor..." That's as far as I got before he flew out of bed in a frenzy of joy and excitement. Christmas Day has never received the reception this overcast Monday in June did. His chores were complete and he was dressed within minutes despite the non-stop peppering of questions and predictions from the wee man.

The dogs had been out, the kitties, the Mamma and the Boy fed and the gear was gathered and loaded into Big Red. As we pulled out of the driveway I had expectations of a fun, exciting, exhausting week for both of us. I never bargained on the adventures and events that would pop up during the week that would demonstrate in no uncertain terms just how amazing a person my son is and prove even to my always doubting self that I am, after all, a damn good mother.

Buckle your seat belts, grab a snack and be glad that you will experience everything except the sweltering, suffocating, stifling heat of June in Florida. We had a blast and I hope you will too...

Rain, Rain Go AWAY Jack's swim test is today...

2008-06-21T18:14:00.001-07:00

This morning was the big day for the placement swim test for Scout Camp. Jack has been practicing jumping into the water (in his wading pool) and swimming. He was all excited and raring to go. Unfortunately Mother Nature had been wailing since last night and there were some serious storms throughout the area. I wasn't going to go sit in the woods in a storm so we (I) decided to wait until the radar (thank you Bay News 9) looked clear(er). So he waited patiently in his trunks eating a banana and watching the eternally on Animal Planet. I cleaned house and did laundry until it looked like things were clearing up.

Finally the radar looked like we were getting ready to have a break in the weather. We got our things together and headed out, hoping the blue sky west of us would follow us up to the test. Yeah, not so much. After an exciting drive through driving rain, thunder and lightning we made it to Camp Soule. OK, I know but I am still a freaking optimist and was almost sure it would at least not be raining up there.

Yeah, so it was still raining.... ok raining hard but there was no lightning. Well not when we got there anyway. We popped into the lodge to say hi to some of the leaders who were setting up. After a bit and no obvious sign of the rain letting up we headed over to the pool to see who else was feeling lucky today!

By the time we puddle jumped over to the pool the storms had erupted again. This time featuring thunder AND lightning... YAY!!! NOT!!!

The Littlefields were there waiting to test too which was great since we hadn't seen them at all since school let out. Jack, Dean and Karli clowned around for a bit then Jack just wandered around waiting for the rain to stop. About an hour later we were able to test.

The kids that were still there went out on the deck and waited under the little shelter for their turn. I noticed Jack kept backing up so that eventually he was at the end of the line. By this time the rain had started again and you could barely see through it. Jack's turn came and Ms. A took him over. They stood staring at the pool conversing. They then moved to the shallow end. More surveying and more discussion. One toe broke the water, said toe was snatched back and the foot attached to the toe headed back to the big shelter.

He was upset. Very very very upset BUT handled it very quietly and relatively calmly. He was embarrassed because all his friends are good swimmers. I reminded him that all the friends he tested with had pools at home and had probably been swimming for years.

I know he did the best he could with it. He gets derailed by things others probably wouldn't. The rain didn't throw him off the fact that there were two sections that were 4 feet deep and the lights in the pool (he is afraid that pool lights will explode when he goes near them) made him decide not to get in (his explanation). When you take into consideration that even last year the kid wouldn't go near a pool without losing his mind, I think he did great and I told him so. I know on Monday he will be in that pool with his buddies, he will relax and then they can retest. The swim instructor already told him he will work with him closely to help him get more comfortable. He'll be fine, once HE believes it, he'll be fine!

Gee Mamma, you're almost like a Cub Scout...

2008-06-21T17:34:00.000-07:00

So after all the excitement of the morning I had to deliver a basket for one of my oldest and dearest clients. It's still just raining, raining, raining and being bored, Jack decided to ride along. I missed the exit, as usual and ended up having to take a different one and hit the red light at the bottom. Standing there in the miserable wet mess of the afternoon was a homeless person asking for help with the standard issue cardboard sign.

I hate sitting there trying to not look and answer Jack's questions about why someone would be standing there in the rain. I hate that anyone has to be out there in the rain hoping for help, I hate that so many are one paycheck away from being the one standing in the rain. It's raining, it's pouring, the poor man...

For some reason I rolled down the window and gave the man my umbrella. He just stared at me in shock. He told me he couldn't take it, he didn't want Jack or I to get wet. I told him we wouldn't melt and to please take it. He just looked at me with such gratitude and then cried and kept saying "God will bless you ma'am". I told him He already had.

The light turned green and went on our way. Jack watched the man in the rain until he was out of sight.

He: "You gave him your umbrella."

Me: "Yes, I know."

He: "You love your umbrella Mamma. Now what will you do?"

Me: "I thought I would borrow your spare for awhile."

He: "OK Mamma. Why did you give him your umbrella?"

Me: "He needed help and that's all I had that I could give him. He was wet, we weren't and we have more umbrellas in the car. It seemed like the right thing to do."

He: "Gee Mamma, you're almost like a Cub Scout. You help other people like we are supposed to."

I don't know why I did it, it felt like what I was supposed to do. I can't help who I am or that I was raised right. Not to mention that he is someone's son and I would hope that if my son were ever in need someone would help him. It is important to me that Jack be aware of how lucky he and we are. So many kids have no clue about kindness. They rush through life hurriedly trying to get everything they can for themselves, all "what's in it for me?". I don't think it means anything if you only tell the kid to behave and be nice and think about other people. They need to see it done quietly with no fanfare or expectation of reward. The reward will come in its own time... an unexpected order, a rainbow on a rainless day in a rainless week, an Andes mint hiding in the back of the fridge, a missed exit that ends up giving you the opportunity to help not just the man in the rain but your beautiful son who needs to realize that life is not always easy but helping someone else usually is.

Mazie gets the all clear....

2008-06-20T17:24:00.001-07:00

Our crazy dog (ok they are both crazy in their own special ways) was diagnosed with heart worms back in March. We were shocked as we had been treating her but that's the way the Milk Bone bounces.

Today was her last visit to recheck her blood to make sure the beasties were gone - and they were!!

Wednesday night's Big Buzz (pun intended)....

2008-06-20T17:23:00.000-07:00

Jack has this luscious, thick, can barely get your hands through it hair - the hair I had before PCOS took over my body. Anyway, he desperately needed a haircut and it needed to happen before camp next week so last night was to be the night.

Getting Jack's hair cut has always been a nightmare, talk about a situation that just screams sensory disaster! Being still, being touched, hair being pulled in the wrong direction, itchy pieces of hair sticking and poking and the abject terror that someone, somewhere will whip out a clipper. I tell you what, you ain't NEVER seen a show until you have seen my kid in the same room as an operating hair clipper. It is ugly, and horribly horribly sad to see someone that terrified of something so harmless. Due to that delightful situation I have begun cutting his hair at home again. Things have gotten a little better. It no longer takes three hours of sweat, tears, promises and bribes to get it cut. It is still horrible for him though and you can tell he is trying so hard to be still he just has SO much hair and it takes forever to get it cut - and cut so that it doesn't look as if I chased him about the house with a broken weed-eater.

So last night initial crisis was that it was hot in the bathroom and he wanted to sit. I recognized that he might finally be able to sit still in the very high barstool - that as a child his Daddy had HIS hair cut in - and so we head for the kitchen. The minute I have him set up in the chair, calm and ready to go, the aforementioned daddy comes in.

D: "You would be finished a lot faster if you would let Mamma use the clippers."

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

All hell breaks loose. There aren't even clippers in a 5 foot radius and he's running for the hills. WHY, WHY don't people think? Daddy isn't new here, he lives here, he has seen this before, what was he thinking????? Honestly, at that point I wanted to scream and beat them both about the head with a rolling pin.

But then something happened, something crazy and new....

Instead of having to be dragged screaming and clawing from whatever hiding place he had chosen Jack came back on his own. He was weepy but he came back and got in the chair and over the next hour Rob totally earned his Father of the Year Badge. He took his time and was so patient with Jack. Letting him hold the clippers, working the guards, turning it on and off and even letting Jack use the clippers to trim Rob's beard. Finally when I thought it would never happen Jack told Daddy that "Mamma can trim my hair because she knows how my hair grows."

Yes, you read that right a miracle and a huge step for Jack!!! Buzzing, vibrating machinery was allowed to touch him while he was conscious and no one got hurt LOL

He looks so cute and it's nice to see him with a nice short haircut for camp. It is also awesome to see him so proud of himself. When we went to OT Thursday morning he told Bridget and Bobby all about it and they were so excited and proud for him. It was great! He wrote me a Thank You note in therapy and you should see it! Well, you will when I scan it but the handwriting is just gorgerous!!!

Bobby has finished his residency and today was his last day. He is awesome and wherever he lands will be so lucky to have him. It took Jack awhile to warm up to him but once he did it was great!

So now Jack is all ready for camp and I am so happy knowing that haircuts will no longer be a three hour ordeal!

Life is good!

Mamma, who is Carmen and why do we care.....

2008-06-18T08:27:00.001-07:00

So today is stressing me out but it is going to be a good day. I am hours behind with everything but it was for a good reason. The bonus is that the events of the morning have lent themselves to a positive life lesson for the boy and for his Mamma as well.

Jack is a Cub Scout and very proud to be one. We have made many friends since becoming a member of amazing Pack 320 most especially Jack's buddy E (who's like another kid to me) and his Dad. Everyone is struggling right now, duh. Turn on the tv, listen to the radio, it's there and everywhere and it isn't going to change any time soon. Cub Scout camp is next week and I realized this morning in talking to E's dad that E isn't going. I know the reason, it's the same reason Jack wouldn't be going if Grandy and Pop hadn't gifted Jack with camp for a combo birthday and Crossover gift. Suddenly I had an idea and yeah it screwed my time management but who cares.

I made some calls and discovered that there is a scholarship program. Made another call to the awesome awesome awesome guy in charge who told me what to do and will meet me this afternoon to rush the paperwork through - because of course camp starts MONDAY lol. They require a partial fund match from the parent. I know the parent doesn't have it and though we are having our own financial issues I had enough to meet the required amount. I didn't and won't tell the Dad, I want to help and besides E's birthday is this week and they are friends, close friends who would do anything to help us or Jack if they could. I didn't want E to be the only kid to not go and I didn't want L to feel bad especially since he is an amazing Dad and lives and breathes to give E the best life he can.

So anyway, I checked the bank account and made note of a few things before I had to call about the flood insurance - ugh. While I was on the phone I had an email come through. It was an order! An order that would more than cover what I needed to help out our friends!

Karma strikes again!

So I sat Jack down to explain to him about getting what you give and Karma. When i am finished he just stares at me.

He: "So Carmen isn't always bad?"

Me: "Karma is only bad when you are bad."

He: "Carmen is always mean to me."

Me: "Karma. K-A-R-M-A"

I explain it in a bit more detail. Suddenly the bright glow of realization shines in his eyes....

He: "I get it now, Carmen is God's nickname!!!!"

LMAO, and how on earth can you argue with that? I didn't and neither should you.

Shhhhhhhhhh, I don't want him to hear me....

2008-06-18T06:03:00.000-07:00

It's 9am on day one of the Chore Chart being in residence. Jack got up and immediately disappeared into the kitchen for a few minutes. Then he came back muttering under his breath and counting something off on his fingers. I realized suddenly...

Me: "Good morning, were you checking the chart?"

He: "Mornin' Mamma, yes but I can't remember it all."

Me: "I have an idea...."

Before you panic, I didn't THINK about the idea - it just came to me. That means it is safe and will not destroy my timetable (unlike thinking, "I ought to blog about this before I forget" which will kill 30 minutes).

I got a piece of paper and a pen and we went into the kitchen. I told him the duties from wake up until breakfast and he wrote them down. He has completed everything almost totally on his own including scouring the house for all the reward chips he had scattered to the four winds. He started to be mouthy and pulled it right back together - that's right buddy... we don't want to cross off Mr. Frownie now do we???

If you have a sensational or simply HUMAN child and need an idea, this behavior chart worked wonders for us from the second it was implemented. In kindy Jack was getting "called out" over SIXTY times a day - this was an average from a week of his teacher keeping track. We'll just ignore the fact that to be in trouble THAT many times in K means your teacher is anal lol. But I digress... here's how it works:

Take a simple index card. We used the colored ones because, well, someone let me think and no harm could come of it... until the kid only wants to take one color and you are out of it.

On index card you draw a predetermined number of smileys and below the smileys in a box draw a frownie (Mr. Frownie).

Each time the child does something unacceptable or disrespectful they lose a smiley and HE/SHE is the one that must cross it off. It doesn't work as well unless they OWN the crossing off.

As long as they do not have Mr. Frownie crossed off by the end of the day it was a "good day". In our house that is rewarded by a chip, chips are saved up to earn treats - more on that in a minute. If Mr. Frownie is crossed off - Game Over. No TV, no dessert, eat dinner, have bath, go to bed, try again tomorrow.

Back to the chips. I love the chips! Jack loves the chips! Later we will make a fun chip bank (after I have finished all the crap I have to do and LAMINATED the chore chart lol and figured out what to make a chip bank out of. STOP HER SHE WILL BE THINKING LATER!!!!!).

Aided by the (soon to be laminated) chore chart Jack can earn up to 5 chips per day. 1 chip for completing his duties, 1 chip for remembering to go to the bathroom (don't ask) and the possibility of three "extra credit" chips for reading an extra book, doing extra math sheets and patching his eye an extra 2 hours. If he does something outstanding during the day like helps with something without being asked or helps someone or something like that - I will either give him another chip or let him pick from the goodie bag. I have a grab bag of little trinkets and slips of paper with treats written on them (stay up an extra half hour, Mommy will play Spyro with you for 30 min, get a cone at McDonald's, you pick dinner, etc).

Together we create a catalog of rewards and their chip value... a movie is 25 chips, a pay-per-view is 5 chips, putt-putt is 20 and so on. We can add to the catalog at any time and he can repeat rewards as often as he has chips to do so. It works well and turned him around because he feels in control of SOMETHING when most of the time he says his body and brain won't let him do what he wants. It also helps him "tell" his body and brain that he HAS to do X to get what he wants.

Whatever gets us through the day... and this gets us through the day with limited screaming and tears (from both of us), keeps him reading, works on his math and writing and keeps the damn patch on and makes him feel like he achieved something and makes me feel like an ok Mom because he feels good about helping and achieving!

OK, so I predicted 30 killed minutes til end of post.... *sigh* It is 10:03am

In the last hour I have:

Helped a friend in need
Conferenced about a name for my new biz. division
Helped Jack look for his patch
Had Jack clean his room
Took out the trash
Tried to make 4 phone calls
Spoke to 4 voice mails
Drank my instant breakfast
Took my many meds
Answered several emails and done my blog.

My day has just begun, but so far so good!

We are here, breathing and moving forward and trying to improve ourselves, our days and our lives one step at a time and hopefully with lots of love and laughter thrown in.

Runs with scissors...

2008-06-17T20:01:00.000-07:00

I guess the first day of Pre-K is when someone else noticed Jack was "lagging". I remember walking in, trying to hold my emotions in check. My wee boy with his backpack trying to be brave while staying as close to us as possible, the smell of manila paper, freshly sharpened pencils and the "new school clothes" smell pervading the colorful space.

The teacher called them each by name and had them sit at their seats and cut photos out of magazines. All the other children got busy. Jack just stared at the scissors, looked increasingly concerned then buried his face in my lap and wept as my heart broke.

He: "I don't know how to do it. I want to go home."

Me: "Here, let me show you."

We worked at it and he got the hang of it enough that he said I could go. Rob and I went home to the house. The silent, still, too too quiet house. We sat on the couch and just looked at each other and the pets that looked at us as if to ask, "where is that small, loud one?" All of us just sat - quiet and still - and watched the numbers slowly change on the cable box until it was time to go get the boy.

When we picked him up he was so happy to see us. Ms. S. said he had done fairly well that she was sure he'd be ok once he settled in. The days passed, each of us becoming more comfortable with the new schedule and routine. One day at pick-up I was taken aside.

Jack only wants to play alone. No matter what I do he stays away from the other kids. He will talk to them but not get close. He also keeps slamming into walls and hitting himself in the head.

My heart sank and all the air went out of me and my world.

He was fine at the program he had been in the last two years except for rare "slamming" incidents. I filled in Ms. S. and she felt sure he would be ok once he got used to school. I hoped she was right but I wasn't sure.

As time went on the now familiar pattern began to assert itself. He is so smart, what a vocabulary, he only uses one color crayon, had trouble following lines, gross motor lags.

He finally opened up to the kids and the teacher. He would play by them but not so much with them. He loved all the manipulatives, it was a Montessori so it was great for him. Loved to do puzzles and build, would get in trouble for using the other manipulatives to build things. Ended up having a fairly good year but the stage had been set and the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach was firmly in place.

I tried, I swear I did. I Googled and Yahooed and harrassed the ped and asked other moms and read books and got told over and over he was fine, he would grow out of it, it is nothing to worry about. *I* knew it was and I was constantly told I was overreacting. The more I fought and searched the less I found and the more frightened I became. Depression soon overwhelmed the fright and I just pulled him closer, helped him along as much as I could and hoped that I was wrong and he would indeed outgrow it.

Time is not on my side....

2008-06-17T19:08:00.000-07:00

I didn't know I had so many readers lol. OK so here I am and I keep working but nothing has been achieved today...well except for that chart over there. It started so innocently...

I noticed that Jack had done a less than stellar toothbrushing this morning. We go into the bathroom and I say,

Me: "You know it would be easy to make a little laminated thing to put on the wall to remind you to brush your teeth and turn off the light."

He: "and it can tell me to get dressed and to be good and to put the seat down...."

Me: "Well that would be a huge piece of paper. Let me think about it for a while."

He: "OK I will go watch Animal Planet."

Haven't we discussed that whole letting me think and make decisions thing here before?

Two hours, too much Tazo Awake on ice with tons of lemon (thank YOU very much) and lookie what I did lol. It turned out so great and Jack LOVED it!! He could not wait to start "being organized" LMAO!!! Truth is he couldn't wait to start earning chips!! Whatever gets us through the day right?

So by the time Daddy arrives he has accomplished some of his tasks. We show Daddy the wonder that is the hand painted demand for the child to be responsible and he responds with an acceptable level of awe and respect for my amazing artistic abilities. Red dry marker in hand we approach the chart to mark off what has been accomplished and tally the chips. I checked off the toothbrushing box and learned my first major lesson of the day:

Lesson #1: The ONLY thing that removes dried paint pen is dry erase marker.

CRAP! The men wisely disperse as I try to come up with a solution. I quickly came up with an idea, grabbed the board and ran out into the blinding and still heat of a Florida afternoon armed with clear-coat.

Lesson #2: Just because you are outside does not mean it is "well ventilated".

Lesson #3: Clear-coat on the storm door only looks cool to women. Men don't enjoy the "Monet-like" view of the backyard as much. They have no vision.

An hour later the newly protected chore chart again adorns the refrigerator. There is no one in sight. The men are frightened and hiding on the top bunk in the tent in Jack's room. I am not sure why as I made no sounds and threw no items when we had the first issue. This will work fine and they are missing it. Their loss.

Lesson #4: Clear-coat makes red dry erase marker PERMANENT unless you can SCRAPE it off in time (which I did thanks for asking).

Tomorrow morning I will stop at Staples - LOVE me some Staples - for clear contact paper.

So in recap:

Needed Chore Chart
Thought about writing chart
Realized I would have to laminate chart
Decided to paint chart
Realized I would still have to laminate chart

Thinking is bad for my health and my time management.

The chart IS cute as hell though.

Listen.... it's soooooo quiet .....

2008-06-08T14:37:00.000-07:00

except for the thunder....

Daddy took Jack over to Grandma and Grandpa's so I could be alone and work! Never mind that I am blogging instead lol. I also told him I needed him to stop at the grocery store on the way home and despite looking terrified he said ok.

What makes a man so frightened of going to a store that is full of things to EAT. They see these items in their homes, on tv, at friend's homes. In my experience men enjoy consuming said items with reckless abandon and yet stepping foot into the grocer puts the fear of God into my husband. You would think I had told him he needed to stop into Victoria's Secret or something instead of asking for a head of lettuce, one tomato a cucumber and some sour cream (guess what we're having for dinner lol)

Anyway, I appreciate the thinking time. I guess I had better actually DO the work I need to while I can.

What attitude?

2008-06-08T14:27:00.001-07:00

Ohmygosh this has got to be one of my all time favorite pictures of Jack. This was Thanksgiving night and he was mad because we wouldn't give him anymore pumpkin pie filling mixed with cool whip. The reason WHY we wouldn't give him anymore was because he was acting like a crazy baby and kept trying to do headstands and somersalts off the couch. We didn't feel like taking the 6 month old daredevil to All Kids that night. Mean Mamma!!!!!

He forgave me though... I knew he would!

He was Jack in the Box early on...

2008-06-08T13:59:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to be working but ended up diverted by cleaning out and organizing the hard drive today. I didn't realize that I had almost all the Jack pics on this computer... took a couple of hours and gave R and I a ton of giggles. It's funny how you remember some things and forget others, for some reason I thought his cowlick was always the thick thatch it is now but this picture proves me wrong. While looking at this pic it also struck me that at this point in time Jack was becoming mobile and used to try and cram himself into any small space he could; boxes, laundry baskets, his toy box (after dumping the toys out). He still wanted to be swaddled and if R didn't get it tight enough he would be very verbal in his discontent. This was also the point where he began spinning on his hands and knees several times a day. It was funny at first to watch him whirl until he fell over into a giggling, drooling heap. His poor knees would be so red though and some days it seemed more like a compulsion than just something he liked to do which made me feel uneasy even then. The few I mentioned it to told me it was nothing and not to worry about it.

The climbing also started around that time. I remember looking at that chubby wee guy and worrying that he would never walk because his legs wouldn't be able to hold him up! I should have been worrying about other things. His engineering abilities became very apparent with no warning. The evening this was taken he managed to construct a ladder in about 10 minutes and worked his way halfway up the wall unit onto a fairly high shelf. We began simply removing items from his "zone" that we thought he could move or use to build... idiots that we were we thought that would be enough. The child would push funiture or anything else he could find to his desired location and put it to use. This was done rapidly and with ninja-like stealth. Our house is tiny and at most you are only ever two steps away from anyone. We began carrying him to the bathroom or kitchen if we were alone with him to keep him from being on the ceiling fan when we came back!

I said from the first time I held that boy that he was going places.... we were always terrified of where the next place we would find him would be!

First Day and Last Day....

2008-06-06T18:58:00.000-07:00

I thought it would be fun to put a picture of the beautiful boy from the first day of first grade and the last day of first grade together and see the physical changes but I see other changes as well. I see more confidence and fewer teeth, a Begerow chin with Williams cheeks, the cowlick stands taller and so does he, a very obvious sense of humor shines through now as well as the sweetness that was obvious before. He is still a skinny little man - obviously from Daddy's side lol.

His report card, in my opinion was good. He got E(xcellent)s in Art and Science, V(ery good)s in PE, Reading, Social Studies, S(atisfactory)s in Music and Math and an N(eeds Improvement) in writing. No surprises for me but oh lawsy you should have heard the discussion by the teacher and an aide referring to the fact that academically he is doing great and yet behaviorally not so much and how that doesn't fit with ADHD ....

DUH freaking DUH DUH DUH!!!!!!!!!!

Did you every want to scream so badly but were afraid to start for fear you'd never be able to stop again? Those people are already scared enough of me lol! Oh well they have to put up with us a few more years and then I can go off and terrorize the middle school LMAO!

I never thought of taking an end of year pic before, I will have to keep doing it!

Forget the three Rs, I have the three Ss...

2008-06-06T18:24:00.000-07:00

Jack has been out of school for the summer for three and a half days. I am ready to lose it. I thought it would be nice to give him a few days to decompress and just live by his own clock....

I think it would be really nice if someone would smack me if I ever think something like that again.

Lesson number 437 of having a sensational kid: The key to living life without sprinkling your post toasties with Prozac each morning is Structure, Schedule and Sleep (for Mamma).

He has been a maniac, wonderfully behaved for the rest of the world and just a pita for me. I had to take him to a job today and he had his tote loaded with all kinds of things to do. Instead he went from office to office "entertaining" his "friends". O M G. Now, this is a volunteer gig I do every year and it was a Friday afternoon BUT he is old enough to know better.

The ladies in the office all said, "oh he's so cute don't worry about it".... WHY do people say that? I mean yes, of course he is cute but he is standing right there and I have just disciplined him and they undermine me and he works the banana giving, sticker sharing, chocolate sneaking crowd. Then comes to tell me loves me - riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. I know they are saying it to put me at ease so I don't stress that he is annoying them.... he is annoying ME. He has lied to ME and he now thinks he can do whatever he wants there EXCEPT listen to and OBEY ME!

THEN on the way home he tries to spin it, "My brain made me not listen to you."

Do I look like I fell off the Mommy truck YESTERDAY?????

Structure, Schedule, Seagrams.... Oh wait, that's wishful thinking ... Monday we will put our plan into action as best we can:

7am - Get up - whether we want to or not, have something light to eat

7:30ish - Take a nice walk in the neighborhood (we will be watching our neighbor's almost 3 month old so that may vary)

8:30ish - Have a nice brekkie and Jack will read a book of his choosing

9:00ish - Jack will do brushing and compressions and maybe some jump time if he would like

9:30ish - Jack will do a couple of math sheets (in or out of body sock as he chooses)

Then he can do what he likes or whatever we have to do that day. Dinner will be followed by writing in his summer journal, a bath and bed.

Cross your fingers! He is all for it, hopefully it will work out!

Jack brought home an award today....

2008-06-02T18:27:00.000-07:00

Ok, brace yourself. It was a WRITING award. Jack, my Jack, the Jack who snaps pencils in half to avoid writing. That Jack, my beautiful, fabulous, amazingly hard working boy got a writing award. I don't care that the whole class got one. The whole class gets lots of things but he was so stinking proud:

He: "Mamma, I got something to show you and you will never believe it!"
Me: "What is it Wee?"
He: "You have to guess..."
Me: "is it a..."
He: "An award Mamma!!! A WRITING award, with my name on it!!!!!"

Which they spelled wrong - UGH

Whoohooooooooo!!!!!!!!! I would like to thank the academy and of course Bridget and Bobby (OT Goddess and her OT Resident) without whom none of this would have been possible.....ok, realistically it would have been possible. Many would have been maimed or injured in the process though and this has been relatively injury free!

Jack was having a super-freak drama-fest over a tiiiiiny pinprick on his foot tonight. You wouldn't believe it unless you saw it. He loses his blooming mind anytime blood is involved. I am serious too, if you wiped it with a tissue there would be nothing there! So to divert the impending lunatic asylum admission I suggested he read to me. And he actually did.

The child who this time last year would refuse to read a book with more than three words on a page read two chapters of Peter Pan to me tonight. He is already reading well into second grade levels. It is a thing of beauty to see him curl up with the book instead of holding it like a live snake. Tonight he even copied me and used voices for the characters! I (of course) was crying (a shock to all) but he didn't see me. When he was finished I said

Me: "Wow Jack! You did an awesome job reading that to me tonight!"
He: "I know Mamma, wasn't that too cool!!??!!"

He is too cool for school!

Who gave you permission to get so big?

2008-06-02T17:48:00.000-07:00

Well Mamma, I guess Jesus did!

The speed with which the time has flown since Jack has been on Earth amazes me on a daily basis. How tricky is time that it seems only moments pass when it has actually been years, some days if feels like we have eternity and yet...we never have enough time do we?

Saturday was another "BIG" day, another step away from babyhood and on towards the man he will one day be.

Jack Crossed Over from Bobcat to Tiger Saturday. The Crossover was at Walsingham Park. It was one of those days that was gorgeous to experience (if you were on the air conditioned side of a window)! It was a sunny, hot, beautiful location and surrounded by friends and family.

Jack withstood the heat like an absolute trooper, which is huge for him. Ordinarily a day like that would have him in a frenzy of discomfort; scratchy shirt, sweat rolling down, soggy socks, hot hat. He would look at me periodically like, "HOW am I going to survive this?!?!" But he did and I was so proud!

Lunch was pizza - which the boy detests - I know, I know. I don't like it either and people think Jack and I are aliens or something. You should just SEE other mom's faces when they ask Jack his favorite dinner and his reply is,

"Salmon with pesto and some broccoli."

That's my wee gourmand! That being said, he eats all the same junk as other kids as evidenced by the TWO root beer floats and the cupcake he ate at Crossover!!

It was a wonderful day, despite the heat. We got lucky and staked out a big tree by the lake and we all camped under it. It just felt so good to sit with these people and be myself and know that I can be my smart-ass self and it is appreciated (I think) and not judged, we call out whomever's kid is screwing up without thinking twice and spoil them all equally.

I realized the other night that I finally feel like I belong, that I fit in, that I am a part of this life I have now. All the years of infertility hell, I never fit with the friends I had then, I didn't belong to their easy party world or their family fun world as the case may be. I was always on the edge, on some fine line of my own. When I was pregnant everything was still eggshells and at that point most of my friends were young and single and prowling clubs.

Early on when Jack came home I didn't fit in with the moms I knew because they were either SAHM and couldn't understand that although I was home I worked or they were working moms who thought I had it so easy. It was hard to explain to either faction so I quit trying.

I have this life for a reason and while I wish Jack will not have to face the challenges and the labels he inevitably will, I am so lucky to have the people around us that I do. My family is so far away, I IM my Sister in Law as often as I can and drive my parents crazy with hours long phone calls, but it isn't the same. I have finally met some truly true friends who, "Lord love 'em" (as my Nana used to say), accept and care about us "just as we are"! (Thank you Bridget Jones and OMG is Colin Firth dreamy or what!?!?!)

I am "here" there's no getting around it, you're stuck with me.

These are the days

2008-05-30T19:28:00.000-07:00

First grade is essentially over. The once stiff "Speed McQueen" backpack has seen better days and is now overflowing with the treasures and debris of a year of firsts. It is being dragged behind an exhausted but brightly smiling Jack. Clutched tightly in his other hand is a plastic grocery bag containing an indistinguishable lump carefully wrapped in many layers of paper. The lump is the clay turtle he made with his art teacher after winning a special prize. It is the most beautiful lopsided grinning (yes indeedy, that turtle has an inch long smile) turtle I have ever seen.

Before we head to the car we stop in to spend some time with his kindy teacher. He adores Mrs. G and we have stopped in at least once a month since first grade started. She seems to enjoy the updates as much as he adores prowling the room to see what new additions have been made to her toy stash each month. I love to watch them chat. Today's sharing was about Saturday's Crossover Ceremony and as I listened to them I took a good long look at this amazing child of mine.

Emotions crashed through me and as always the tears threaten to rain down. I could see the wee, worried boy entering the classroom for the first time. He acted so confident but would periodically look frantically for me or quietly run to me just to touch my skirt or hand and then run back to the other children. I remembered my first "Great American Teach-In" where he wanted me to teach them all to make bows, "like you do at our shop". How proudly he helped his friends follow the directions and told them all about how he, "has worked with Mommy for years!"

Kindergarten was challenging but first grade has been a long battle for us and in my opinion we have won it. The war will be long and hard and painful I have no doubt. Academically Jack sails through beautifully. His extensive vocabulary always a shock to everyone but me, his hunger for all things scientific, his flair for art and drama, his constant desire to help his friends all overshadowed by the SPD. His impulsivity, his fine motor deficits that make handwriting sheer agony for him, the stress of not writing as much or as quickly as his friends reduces him to despair. I have been heartbroken to hear him sob how much he hates himself because he can't write like his friends. Heard his frustration because he works so hard and thinks his teacher doesn't see it, and held him as he wept when his "body makes him get in trouble". The list goes on and on.

I try to be optimistic and grateful that it isn't terminal. Lots of days though it's an act. Deep down I am bitter and angry. I feel like somehow I have cheated my child out of a normal life. Something I did, something I didn't do, was it the toxemia, was it the drama at delivery...WHAT caused this and why oh why did Jack have to be given this challenge? Didn't I pay enough dues with the treatments and miscarriages for my child to have a peaceful life? I know, counter-productive, won't change anything, there is a bigger plan, blah blah blah...

I know all this and I honestly believe it. Some days are just harder than others and today was one of them.

Boys are simply noise covered in dirt....

2008-05-30T07:36:00.000-07:00

or catsup or chocolate milkshakes as the case may be. Ever wanted take your revenge on the fast food place that always screws up you order?? Take 20 6-7 year old Cub Scouts to visit them! (insert evil laugh here) You'll feel great, have a reason to break your eternal diet (just this once, it's a special occasion), and aside from the unholy din as they run in and out of the playground you will be able to enjoy the company of the other brave (crazy also fits in our pack) adults who attend.

We are so lucky, we have the absolute BEST group of kids and parents. Everyone genuinely enjoys everyone else's company, kids and adults alike and we always have fun....always. The other neat thing about our crew is that we have a really diverse bunch, vision impaired, hearing impaired, SPD and more for spice. As we have grown as a group the kids have all accepted each other for who they are and always stand up for each other and try their best to protect them - even when tattling on each other. A gorgeous example occurred around the holidays last year. Mrs P was trying to help them settle in to make a huge holiday card to take to the VA Hospital she only had one direction which was not to draw or write in a certain area.

The boys get busily to work and after a time Mrs P checks the progress. The first thing you see is a beautifully executed Christmas Tree drawn in the no fly zone....

Mrs P: "What happened to 'Don't draw there'?"
S: (the artist) "What happened to no one helped me and I did it myself?"
C: "What happened to S is vision impaired and he didn't know where not to draw and how awesome is that tree!?!?!?!"

It goes that way though, they know their friends have challenges and they back them up, even when they are the inadvertent targets. I cannot tell you how many times Jack's impulsive darting about has caused collisions with most of the boys. They tattle and then tell Jack it's ok, he just has to work on slowing down. They hug and life goes on. I wish that every environment in Jack's life was that nurturing and understanding.

We were at a birthday party last week at a bouncy place. Jack loves the one particular item that is mainly for littles. He loves it because it is flat with waist-high inflated walls and he can jump and roll and throw himself into the walls and not get hurt or be hurried like on the slides and obstacle courses. I let him go on it because it gives him freedom for a little while to be his wild man self. I am always right there by the entrance monitoring and if littles come in I bring it to Jack's attention and he plays on something else until the toy is free again. All of a sudden this father walks up and puts his barely able to stand maybe 2 year old OVER the side wall (not through the entrance as requested by management) as Jack was in mid-air headed directly for his child's location. (Let's not even go there but any moron would have seen Jack flying that direction)

D R A M A ensues....

There was nothing Jack could do. He saw her but he was in the air.... they collide. Hard. The father LOOSES his mind, screaming at Jack. Loudly. The whole place was staring at him. Jack was mortified and was very obviously hanging by a thread and telling the man (VERY politely I might add) that he was so so sorry. I was also apologizing when this guy spins on me and starts screaming at me for not watching my kid and how I have raised this aggressive little jerk.

Yes, yes he did. In front of my son.

Before I could even say a word three of the other party attendees, all between the ages of 4 and 7 mind you, went OFF on this guy in unison...

J: "You can't talk to people like that. Screaming is very bad, you are a BAD, BAD man!!!"
A: "Mrs. Jack is always right by him to help him. She was right there. She helps all of us, you are mean, you should go home (now bursting into tears) you said bad words to Mrs. Jack....." (flung herself into my arms sobbing)
D: "You didn't use the entrance. The sign says to use the entrance. Don't you read? I can read. I can read that sign. You have to follow directions, that's what my teacher says..."

and so on. I am not sure what Jack's final straw was, this man screaming at him, insulting me or the show of compassion and solidarity from his wee buddies but he just laid down on the carpet and wept. That man then had the absolute b$#ls to announce loudly that Jack was having a tantrum because he knew he was wrong.

Oh no he didn't!

Oh yeah, heck yeah.... you KNOW I did.

I can't repeat it here, they have rules about language and all. He has a crystal clear understanding of exactly how I feel about him and his opinion. So much so that he actually apologized to Jack. Jack like the amazing, gorgeous soul he is stood up, shook his hand and told he accepted his apology.

Then I whisked him up and to a quiet corner where we cuddled and cried for a few minutes.

Sometimes I really hate people over 4 feet tall. Maybe some of the problems in this world could be solved if we treated each other the way first graders and kindergardeners treat each other. Without (too much) judgement, with caring and with open minds and with compassion.

That being said, please be forewarned, you will not be treated with any of the above if you mess with my kid.

You are here...

2008-05-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

Looking back I realize that we brought our child home to a Sensory Seeker's paradise. At the time Jack came home the 118th Ave extension was being built and all day long they were tamping with those big pile drivers. The entire house jumped everytime they hit the ground. He spent the last months of the pregnancy and the first several months of his life at home bouncing from dawn til dusk. When the pounding ceased he was only happy being bounced by us or happily ensconced in his swing.

He loved to be swaddled, the tighter the better. R was a rockstar swaddler, actually still is. Occasionally he still wraps Jack up tight as he can in Blanket. It is funny to see him with those long, strong legs sticking out at the bottom and only his cowlick visible on top with plaid wool and fringe between. He loves that blanket... but I am getting ahead of myself.

He would lose is mind if he had to be still.... ok now I realize it was the stillness, then I thought how sweet it was that my little angel couldn't stand to be without us. Some part of his anatomy was always moving, usually his fingers. He would do this wiggle thing with them. The alternative to the finger-wiggle was the foot waggle, which I also do (insert nut not falling too far from tree joke here). The wiggle and waggle would eventually evolve into what we affectionately called "flapping and tapping"... more on that later.

Hindsight is so enlightening. Knowing what I know now red lights are going off in my head. As I recount the story I want to scream at the past me to have him evaluated IMMEDIATELY, to save her the pain and tears and battles and ...oh crap, right.... yeah. She knows.

We are "here".

Home at last...

2008-05-28T20:56:00.000-07:00

Home with the wee man, life was deceptively simple. Adore baby, change baby, feed baby, lather, rise, repeat. For 48 hours life was bliss then things started to change, subtly at first but change nonetheless.

Jack began to fight feeding. He didn't like to eat. Ever. I did the best I could and assumed he was getting enough. He slept a lot and was always happy when he was awake. We (again) thought we had it made. Until the morning of his one week well baby visit when he opened his eyes and they were yellow... great, the baby is turning into a werewolf.

Race to the doctor, wait forever, doc takes one look at Jack and one look at me and tells R to get Jack to All Kids and me to my doc ASAP. R definitely was pulling his load and more in those early days. Arrive at All Kids, wait for an eternity only to witness the beautiful feet of my wee man mercilessly peppered with pin pricks as they attempted to get enough blood for testing. The enormous, intimidating and unfriendly tech looks at us accusingly and announces that my child is dehydrated. I had just fed him. She didn't believe us, acted like we were child abusers. I told her exactly how it went: he cried, I nursed, he fussed then slept. We thought that meant he had eaten and was full. That's what the books all said, that's all we had to go on. She told us to go home and wait for the results. By the end of that day we would decide not to think again - ever.

We went to my doc as directed. When he walked into the room and looked at me I knew I was in for something. I guess I haven't mentioned yet that I had been crying non-stop (yes, even in my sleep) and not really feeling like eating since we came home from the hospital. I was so unbelieveably sad and tired and couldn't bear to leave Jack for more than a few minutes at a time. I just thought (see, there we go thinking again) it was normal after all we had been through to be emotional. Yeah.... no, that isn't normal.

I had PPD and had to wean immediately to be medicated (Tom Cruise need not leave me any comments) before I drowned myself or anyone else in tears. The PPD was a back-handed blessing as we discovered that I wasn't making enough milk to feed Jack and had been starving him. Mother of the Year nominee here. I was devastated that I had inadvertently deprived my child but relieved to see that he inherited his eating skills from my side of the gene pool. My relief would be short lived as a couple of hours later R came to me and told me to pick up the phone.

It was the on-call doc with the results of the blood tests. Jack possibly needed a complete blood transfusion because his bilirubin levels were so high and we needed to go back to All Kids. NOW. Immediately. Do Not Pass Go, do not collect your Mother of the Year trophy just yet.

After trying every combination of nurse and needle in the ER they finally got what they needed and we were left to wait. And wait. And wait some more. After many hours and many gut wrenching blood draws we were allowed to leave. I essentially ran out of there, terrified that any minute someone would snatch my precious boy away from me. Could I honestly blame them??

Over the next days Jack grew plumper and less yellow as he ate for real and we laid in the sun. I cried less and less as the meds worked their magic and actually felt like eating again. Nona (my grandma) came to stay for a couple of weeks. It was so awesome to have her here to see her hold my child. The oldest member of the family holding the youngest, the circle of life illustrated beautifully and lovingly just for me. I have a photo on a cd somewhere of Jack's chubby little hand in her older, thinner hand... I need to find that.

As the summer began, we seemed to have a much better grasp on things. I would be going back to work soon - a devastating concept to me - and Jack was thriving. We thought our lives had changed all they would for awhile. Yes, you guessed it, dead wrong again!

The home stretch

2008-05-28T20:04:00.000-07:00

As the wheelchair hurtled down the corridor threatening to explode from the ponderous weight of its cargo (and the breakneck speed of its driver) I finished a barely legible to-do list for R. Once checked into ante-partum, I sent him off reassured with smiles and jokes to take care of the list and hurry his behind back. The minute he was out of sight they hooked me up to as many monitors, IVs and catheters as they could find, leaving me with the uneasy feeling of being a very large fly in a very strange web.

Most of that day is a hazy blur with a few moments that I remember with complete clarity: Dr. M. popping in to tell me he had an opening and he would deliver Jack BEFORE R returned. The ensuing panic to get R back in time and then ending up having to wait anyway. The nurse slipping me ice chips when no one was looking - bless her, she was my hero that day. Suddenly realizing I was in the OR and scared to death and Dr. P. holding my hand just as it all went to hell...

From the start I had a weird feeling and it was validated when there was a disagreement between Dr. P. and the head anasthesiologist about the type of block I should have. Dr. P and the attending gas man felt I needed a lesser dosage but Mr. Ego came down and said he would dose me himself. They tried five times to get that spinal to take... Mr. Ego accused me of faking...how the hell do you fake doing high kicks (to the horror of those on the other side of the room)??? He finally gave me a shot of something and I was numb...it was the strangest feeling.

R finally was allowed in.

Me: "Did he start yet?"
He: "Oh yeah, he's up to his elbows!"

Laughter then panic. I couldn't breathe. AT ALL. When they start they tell you if you have issues to snap your fingers so I did. (Later that night I had blisters from the amount of violent snapping I had apparently been doing.) Drama ensued, R is asked to leave and ended up being physically removed, I took a lovely nap and as far as we know the delivery went off without a hitch and Jack was delivered at 8:01pm 4/23/2001. I really wish though I could have heard his first scream and seen the look on the NICU stand-by teams faces when the low birth weight baby they were expecting was almost 10 pounds!! I am told I came to life in recovery long enough to sit straight up in bed and demand someone to "bring me my son!" much in the manner the Queen of Hearts demanded "Off with their heads". I was appeased with video and passed back out. It would be hours before I would finally hold my son.

Finally, I was sent to my room and after an eternity R went to the nursery and brought me our son. He was sleeping when he was handed to me and I fought the urge to poke him to wakefulness. Instead I devoured every inch of him, coal black hair, that crazy cowlick he still has, skin as soft as a peach, long graceful fingers and that new baby smell!! Just when I could no longer contain myself , I was rewarded with the opening of two very serious midnight blue eyes.

From the minute we met, Jack has always had a very definite sense of purpose. As if he has been given an assignment and is merely biding his time until it is to be handed in. He seemed an old soul and a disgusted old soul that night looking at me as if to ask, "What took you so long?".

What took *me* so long????

The remainder of the hospital was fairly uneventful.... well except for the time the nurse caught me trying to trim his hair with the manicure scissors when R fell asleep (*I* knew what I was doing, his hair was too long, they weren't sharp at all and I was off the morphine by then...) and the time I was on the phone with a friend and was hallucinating about singing bananas. Scared her so badly that she hung up on me and called the nurse's station LMAO! Suffice it to say, Morphine and I do not enjoy each other's company.

A few days later we went home and as we walked through the door our feet had been firmly, inextricably set on the path towards "here".

They're off...

2008-05-28T16:45:00.000-07:00

After recovering from the shock of the news our little world rejoiced. R and I were over the moon as my belly swelled (for reasons other than my ice cream addiction), I wore horizontally striped shirts with reckless abandon while sneaking into the bathroom a billion times a day with my rented BabyBeat to listen to his heartbeat never completely trusting that everything would be ok.

Moments stick out in my mind like snapshots in an album some funny, some bittersweet and some that meant the world to me: The first time I felt Jack move, really move - pushing the limits of his world. A trend that continues even now. The awe and realization in the eyes of my husband as he felt his son kick for the first time. The hysterical looks on R and G's faces the first time they saw a 35 week Jack push his hands and feet against my belly as if to escape. The night I kept trying to lay on my side and Jack kept pushing me over onto my back and the day that R drove me across the state for dinner so that I could see my Aunt and Uncle that were visiting my Grandmother. It was the only time that anyone in my family saw me while I was pregnant and I treasure that trip.

Life was good, my health was good, work sucked but that was the norm so no big shock there. My monthly appointments with the amazing perinatologists went swimmingly.... until my 32 week visit. Danger Will Robinson! Other shoe dropping..... Better duck...NOW!

Dr. M. looks at me....

He: "How long have your eyes been doing that?!"
Me: "Doing what?"
He: "That!

I felt like I was trapped in an Abbott and Costello movie!

Apparently my eyes were bouncing and apparently this is not a good thing. Combined with elevated (even for me) blood pressure and the fact that work had completely ignored the constant notes from my doctors limiting me to a 40 hour work week bought me a weekend at the Bayfront (Hospital) Hilton. Sunday afternoon rolls around and one of my Docs comes by to give me the verdict and release me. Gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia!

Me: "Ok. Am I going home today?"

She: "Yes, of course!"
Me: " Can you please give me a note for work?"

She: (convulses with laughter and takes a few minutes to regain her composure.) "YOU, my friend are on bedrest until Jack arrives."

Bedrest?? Bedrest. I can't say I didn't expect it but I was still stunned when it happened. I started watching way too much TLC particularly "A Baby Story". When the theme music would come on Jack would bounce and roll, it was too funny.

Along about 35 weeks I was weeping along with ABS when I realized I couldn't imagine hearing Jack's first cry. It started really stressing me out as usually if I can visualize it, it happens. Then my blood pressure began trying to set a new world's record despite meds. No amount of insulin was keeping my sugars down, Jack was rapidly gaining weight and so was I thanks to the edema. An amnio was scheduled and the tentative delivery date was 4/12/01. I reminded Dr. P. that I had told him in December when this baby was coming, he laughed and readied the needle.

The amnio showed immature lungs so meds were upped and 4/25/01 (R's birthday) was set as THE DAY no matter what. They looked so pleased with themselves I almost couldn't bear to tell them that they were wrong.... yeah, I did. They all laughed and patronized me. Laugh all you want, Mamma knows, Mamma knows.

The next Monday I drag my almost 300 pound (so I was a little bloated - what's your point?) self out of bed to get ready for my every other day appointment. While in the shower it for some reason became a moral imperative for me to shave my legs. Yes, the legs I had not seen in months, the legs that hurt like hell, the legs I knew HAD to be under that enormous belly. I gave it the best I had, hoped it was an improvement and headed to the appointment.

We arrive and sit in the dim, quiet and cozy waiting room. Once called back I give my donation and assume the position in the bp chair. R is by now sitting directly across from me, to the far left Nurse C. is checking the UA and next to me Nurse A. is checking my bp. Suddenly I realize all hell is breaking loose and it appears to have something to do with lil' ole me - God how I wish this has been caught on film...

Nurse C. is waving an almost neon dipstick in the air shouting something incoherent, Nurse A. is smacking the gauge on the sphygmomanometer (yeah, I can spell it but don't even try to make me say it!) and muttering to herself, R is pointing at my legs and loudly repeating, "She shaved them OMG, OMG, she shaved her legs", Dr. P. & Co. come on the run and I point to the calendar and calmly announce,

"I told you he was coming on April 23!"

How did we get here....

2008-05-28T07:07:00.000-07:00

It all started normally enough. Boy meets girl, boy and girl marry, boy and girl decide to start a family. I will never as long as I live be able to erase the picture in my mind of my husband and I staring confusedly at he first of way too many negative pregnancy tests.

He: "Did you do it right?"
Me: "It isn't exactly rocket science you know - yeah I did it right!"

Everyone else we knew just slept in the same bed and *poof!* babies galore!

Everyone else we knew didn't have PCOS .

Thus began the journey to "here". Tests, daily ultrasounds, hours at the library researching and printing and demanding new treatments. Injections, inseminations, medications, diets, suppositories, surgery, tears and miscarriages. Yeah, that was almost as mind blowing as not getting pregnant on the first try. Until that Thanksgiving morning we thought we were home free. We finally got pregnant!! Start the countdown til baby arrives. We were so naive.

Three miscarriages later I have ovarian drilling done, the next day we lost my beloved Grandmother and our infertility coverage. A banner day to be sure.

We decide after much soul searching to adopt from Ukraine. I went on birth control as an attempt to control the rapidly evolving and worsening effects of the PCOS and began working on paperwork. I kept busy with INS forms, homestudies, learning to speak Ukranian (very badly) and finally decorating a nursery after five long years.

The same day we received our travel date I began having horrendous abdominal pain. I tried to ignore it and kept going with travel plans, locating a translator, faxing dossiers from Florida to Warsaw and making our plane reservations. No stomach pain was going to keep me from bringing home my children.

Determination is a wonderful thing. It became quite evident though that my doctor was as determined as I was and SHE wasn't letting me go anywhere without an ultrasound to see what was going on. Fine, whatever it takes to get on that plane.

I hated going for ultrasounds. You arrive hopeful and leave deflated like the immature follicles on your stupid ovaries that refuse to give you a decent egg.

Bitter Much?

Even though I knew I was headed to bring my children home, the wounds were raw and Bitter Infertile Woman Syndrome was at it's zenith. They asked like a billion times on the intake if I could be pregnant - ok maybe just like five times but still. By the time they called me back I was not in the best frame of mind.

The tech was adorable, fresh out of ultrasound school and so eager to please. We talked a bit and filled her in on Ukraine and the pains. She said not to worry, this would be quick and everything would be fine. She placed the wand on my belly, made a couple of adjustments and promptly burst into hysterics. Lovely.

Me: "Are you ok?"
She: Unable to speak nods wildly
Me: "Am I ok?"
She: Sobbing uncontrollably turns screen to face me.

I see what appears to be a very large mass in my uterus. Big, solid, white and apparently bad. I must have cancer - CRAP!

Me: "you need to call my husband!"
She: (slowly regaining composure) "Are you ok?"
Me: "How long do I have?"
She: (studying screen) "oh, I don't know for sure maybe 7 months or so."
Me: (trying not to screech and failing miserably) "Call my husband!!!"
She: (confused as all get out) "But I thought you WANTED a baby!"
Me: "I am infertile, remember?"

She flips a switch and the sweetest sound I had ever heard to that point fills the room, my ears, my soul. It was Jack's strong, reassuring heartbeat coming from INSIDE ME!

After everything, after all the time, tears, money and procedures one little package of birth control pills had succeeded where all else had failed. The pill is 99.9% effective and *I* was the .1%!!

Infertile girl gets pregnant on birth control. I was more than 8 weeks pregnant and headed unknowingly on the path to "here".

So here we are...

2008-05-27T21:19:00.000-07:00

and I am still a bit confused on where "here" is. Some days "here" is the end of my rope and others it is the most amazing place in the universe. The two most consistent elements of "here" is that (blessedly) I am always Jack's Mom and Jack has Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). It all started innocently enough, quirky mom has quirky baby. Lots of nut not falling far from tree jokes, delight at my wee man's eccentricities, amazement as he uttered his first word (elephant) and concern as he began spinning in tight circles for no apparent reason.

As he grew different concerns emerged and were presented to the pediatrician. "He's perfectly normal, eating well and meeting all milestones on time. So he throws himself into walls occasionally and spins like a cheap top, he'll grow out of it." Uhhhhhh, ok.

The road to "here" has been long, frustrating and at times very, very scary and sad. I am not sure where we go from "here" but hopefully you'll come along for the ride and more hopefully our adventures -or mis-adventures as the case may be- will help someone else and their sensational kid find their place in this ordinary world.