How did we get here....

It all started normally enough. Boy meets girl, boy and girl marry, boy and girl decide to start a family. I will never as long as I live be able to erase the picture in my mind of my husband and I staring confusedly at he first of way too many negative pregnancy tests.

He: "Did you do it right?"
Me: "It isn't exactly rocket science you know - yeah I did it right!"

Everyone else we knew just slept in the same bed and *poof!* babies galore!

Everyone else we knew didn't have PCOS .

Thus began the journey to "here". Tests, daily ultrasounds, hours at the library researching and printing and demanding new treatments. Injections, inseminations, medications, diets, suppositories, surgery, tears and miscarriages. Yeah, that was almost as mind blowing as not getting pregnant on the first try. Until that Thanksgiving morning we thought we were home free. We finally got pregnant!! Start the countdown til baby arrives. We were so naive.

Three miscarriages later I have ovarian drilling done, the next day we lost my beloved Grandmother and our infertility coverage. A banner day to be sure.

We decide after much soul searching to adopt from Ukraine. I went on birth control as an attempt to control the rapidly evolving and worsening effects of the PCOS and began working on paperwork. I kept busy with INS forms, homestudies, learning to speak Ukranian (very badly) and finally decorating a nursery after five long years.

The same day we received our travel date I began having horrendous abdominal pain. I tried to ignore it and kept going with travel plans, locating a translator, faxing dossiers from Florida to Warsaw and making our plane reservations. No stomach pain was going to keep me from bringing home my children.

Determination is a wonderful thing. It became quite evident though that my doctor was as determined as I was and SHE wasn't letting me go anywhere without an ultrasound to see what was going on. Fine, whatever it takes to get on that plane.

I hated going for ultrasounds. You arrive hopeful and leave deflated like the immature follicles on your stupid ovaries that refuse to give you a decent egg.

Bitter Much?

Even though I knew I was headed to bring my children home, the wounds were raw and Bitter Infertile Woman Syndrome was at it's zenith. They asked like a billion times on the intake if I could be pregnant - ok maybe just like five times but still. By the time they called me back I was not in the best frame of mind.

The tech was adorable, fresh out of ultrasound school and so eager to please. We talked a bit and filled her in on Ukraine and the pains. She said not to worry, this would be quick and everything would be fine. She placed the wand on my belly, made a couple of adjustments and promptly burst into hysterics. Lovely.

Me: "Are you ok?"
She: Unable to speak nods wildly
Me: "Am I ok?"
She: Sobbing uncontrollably turns screen to face me.

I see what appears to be a very large mass in my uterus. Big, solid, white and apparently bad. I must have cancer - CRAP!

Me: "you need to call my husband!"
She: (slowly regaining composure) "Are you ok?"
Me: "How long do I have?"
She: (studying screen) "oh, I don't know for sure maybe 7 months or so."
Me: (trying not to screech and failing miserably) "Call my husband!!!"
She: (confused as all get out) "But I thought you WANTED a baby!"
Me: "I am infertile, remember?"

She flips a switch and the sweetest sound I had ever heard to that point fills the room, my ears, my soul. It was Jack's strong, reassuring heartbeat coming from INSIDE ME!

After everything, after all the time, tears, money and procedures one little package of birth control pills had succeeded where all else had failed. The pill is 99.9% effective and *I* was the .1%!!

Infertile girl gets pregnant on birth control. I was more than 8 weeks pregnant and headed unknowingly on the path to "here".