Rain, Rain Go AWAY Jack's swim test is today...

This morning was the big day for the placement swim test for Scout Camp. Jack has been practicing jumping into the water (in his wading pool) and swimming. He was all excited and raring to go. Unfortunately Mother Nature had been wailing since last night and there were some serious storms throughout the area. I wasn't going to go sit in the woods in a storm so we (I) decided to wait until the radar (thank you Bay News 9) looked clear(er). So he waited patiently in his trunks eating a banana and watching the eternally on Animal Planet. I cleaned house and did laundry until it looked like things were clearing up.




Finally the radar looked like we were getting ready to have a break in the weather. We got our things together and headed out, hoping the blue sky west of us would follow us up to the test. Yeah, not so much. After an exciting drive through driving rain, thunder and lightning we made it to Camp Soule. OK, I know but I am still a freaking optimist and was almost sure it would at least not be raining up there.

Yeah, so it was still raining.... ok raining hard but there was no lightning. Well not when we got there anyway. We popped into the lodge to say hi to some of the leaders who were setting up. After a bit and no obvious sign of the rain letting up we headed over to the pool to see who else was feeling lucky today!

By the time we puddle jumped over to the pool the storms had erupted again. This time featuring thunder AND lightning... YAY!!! NOT!!!


The Littlefields were there waiting to test too which was great since we hadn't seen them at all since school let out. Jack, Dean and Karli clowned around for a bit then Jack just wandered around waiting for the rain to stop. About an hour later we were able to test.


The kids that were still there went out on the deck and waited under the little shelter for their turn. I noticed Jack kept backing up so that eventually he was at the end of the line. By this time the rain had started again and you could barely see through it. Jack's turn came and Ms. A took him over. They stood staring at the pool conversing. They then moved to the shallow end. More surveying and more discussion. One toe broke the water, said toe was snatched back and the foot attached to the toe headed back to the big shelter.


He was upset. Very very very upset BUT handled it very quietly and relatively calmly. He was embarrassed because all his friends are good swimmers. I reminded him that all the friends he tested with had pools at home and had probably been swimming for years.


I know he did the best he could with it. He gets derailed by things others probably wouldn't. The rain didn't throw him off the fact that there were two sections that were 4 feet deep and the lights in the pool (he is afraid that pool lights will explode when he goes near them) made him decide not to get in (his explanation). When you take into consideration that even last year the kid wouldn't go near a pool without losing his mind, I think he did great and I told him so. I know on Monday he will be in that pool with his buddies, he will relax and then they can retest. The swim instructor already told him he will work with him closely to help him get more comfortable. He'll be fine, once HE believes it, he'll be fine!

Gee Mamma, you're almost like a Cub Scout...

So after all the excitement of the morning I had to deliver a basket for one of my oldest and dearest clients. It's still just raining, raining, raining and being bored, Jack decided to ride along. I missed the exit, as usual and ended up having to take a different one and hit the red light at the bottom. Standing there in the miserable wet mess of the afternoon was a homeless person asking for help with the standard issue cardboard sign.

I hate sitting there trying to not look and answer Jack's questions about why someone would be standing there in the rain. I hate that anyone has to be out there in the rain hoping for help, I hate that so many are one paycheck away from being the one standing in the rain. It's raining, it's pouring, the poor man...

For some reason I rolled down the window and gave the man my umbrella. He just stared at me in shock. He told me he couldn't take it, he didn't want Jack or I to get wet. I told him we wouldn't melt and to please take it. He just looked at me with such gratitude and then cried and kept saying "God will bless you ma'am". I told him He already had.

The light turned green and went on our way. Jack watched the man in the rain until he was out of sight.

He: "You gave him your umbrella."

Me: "Yes, I know."

He: "You love your umbrella Mamma. Now what will you do?"

Me: "I thought I would borrow your spare for awhile."

He: "OK Mamma. Why did you give him your umbrella?"

Me: "He needed help and that's all I had that I could give him. He was wet, we weren't and we have more umbrellas in the car. It seemed like the right thing to do."

He: "Gee Mamma, you're almost like a Cub Scout. You help other people like we are supposed to."

I don't know why I did it, it felt like what I was supposed to do. I can't help who I am or that I was raised right. Not to mention that he is someone's son and I would hope that if my son were ever in need someone would help him. It is important to me that Jack be aware of how lucky he and we are. So many kids have no clue about kindness. They rush through life hurriedly trying to get everything they can for themselves, all "what's in it for me?". I don't think it means anything if you only tell the kid to behave and be nice and think about other people. They need to see it done quietly with no fanfare or expectation of reward. The reward will come in its own time... an unexpected order, a rainbow on a rainless day in a rainless week, an Andes mint hiding in the back of the fridge, a missed exit that ends up giving you the opportunity to help not just the man in the rain but your beautiful son who needs to realize that life is not always easy but helping someone else usually is.

Mazie gets the all clear....

Our crazy dog (ok they are both crazy in their own special ways) was diagnosed with heart worms back in March. We were shocked as we had been treating her but that's the way the Milk Bone bounces.

Today was her last visit to recheck her blood to make sure the beasties were gone - and they were!!

Wednesday night's Big Buzz (pun intended)....

Jack has this luscious, thick, can barely get your hands through it hair - the hair I had before PCOS took over my body. Anyway, he desperately needed a haircut and it needed to happen before camp next week so last night was to be the night.

Getting Jack's hair cut has always been a nightmare, talk about a situation that just screams sensory disaster! Being still, being touched, hair being pulled in the wrong direction, itchy pieces of hair sticking and poking and the abject terror that someone, somewhere will whip out a clipper. I tell you what, you ain't NEVER seen a show until you have seen my kid in the same room as an operating hair clipper. It is ugly, and horribly horribly sad to see someone that terrified of something so harmless. Due to that delightful situation I have begun cutting his hair at home again. Things have gotten a little better. It no longer takes three hours of sweat, tears, promises and bribes to get it cut. It is still horrible for him though and you can tell he is trying so hard to be still he just has SO much hair and it takes forever to get it cut - and cut so that it doesn't look as if I chased him about the house with a broken weed-eater.

So last night initial crisis was that it was hot in the bathroom and he wanted to sit. I recognized that he might finally be able to sit still in the very high barstool - that as a child his Daddy had HIS hair cut in - and so we head for the kitchen. The minute I have him set up in the chair, calm and ready to go, the aforementioned daddy comes in.

D: "You would be finished a lot faster if you would let Mamma use the clippers."

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

All hell breaks loose. There aren't even clippers in a 5 foot radius and he's running for the hills. WHY, WHY don't people think? Daddy isn't new here, he lives here, he has seen this before, what was he thinking????? Honestly, at that point I wanted to scream and beat them both about the head with a rolling pin.

But then something happened, something crazy and new....

Instead of having to be dragged screaming and clawing from whatever hiding place he had chosen Jack came back on his own. He was weepy but he came back and got in the chair and over the next hour Rob totally earned his Father of the Year Badge. He took his time and was so patient with Jack. Letting him hold the clippers, working the guards, turning it on and off and even letting Jack use the clippers to trim Rob's beard. Finally when I thought it would never happen Jack told Daddy that "Mamma can trim my hair because she knows how my hair grows."

Yes, you read that right a miracle and a huge step for Jack!!! Buzzing, vibrating machinery was allowed to touch him while he was conscious and no one got hurt LOL

He looks so cute and it's nice to see him with a nice short haircut for camp. It is also awesome to see him so proud of himself. When we went to OT Thursday morning he told Bridget and Bobby all about it and they were so excited and proud for him. It was great! He wrote me a Thank You note in therapy and you should see it! Well, you will when I scan it but the handwriting is just gorgerous!!!

Bobby has finished his residency and today was his last day. He is awesome and wherever he lands will be so lucky to have him. It took Jack awhile to warm up to him but once he did it was great!

So now Jack is all ready for camp and I am so happy knowing that haircuts will no longer be a three hour ordeal!

Life is good!

Mamma, who is Carmen and why do we care.....

So today is stressing me out but it is going to be a good day. I am hours behind with everything but it was for a good reason. The bonus is that the events of the morning have lent themselves to a positive life lesson for the boy and for his Mamma as well.

Jack is a Cub Scout and very proud to be one. We have made many friends since becoming a member of amazing Pack 320 most especially Jack's buddy E (who's like another kid to me) and his Dad. Everyone is struggling right now, duh. Turn on the tv, listen to the radio, it's there and everywhere and it isn't going to change any time soon. Cub Scout camp is next week and I realized this morning in talking to E's dad that E isn't going. I know the reason, it's the same reason Jack wouldn't be going if Grandy and Pop hadn't gifted Jack with camp for a combo birthday and Crossover gift. Suddenly I had an idea and yeah it screwed my time management but who cares.

I made some calls and discovered that there is a scholarship program. Made another call to the awesome awesome awesome guy in charge who told me what to do and will meet me this afternoon to rush the paperwork through - because of course camp starts MONDAY lol. They require a partial fund match from the parent. I know the parent doesn't have it and though we are having our own financial issues I had enough to meet the required amount. I didn't and won't tell the Dad, I want to help and besides E's birthday is this week and they are friends, close friends who would do anything to help us or Jack if they could. I didn't want E to be the only kid to not go and I didn't want L to feel bad especially since he is an amazing Dad and lives and breathes to give E the best life he can.

So anyway, I checked the bank account and made note of a few things before I had to call about the flood insurance - ugh. While I was on the phone I had an email come through. It was an order! An order that would more than cover what I needed to help out our friends!

Karma strikes again!

So I sat Jack down to explain to him about getting what you give and Karma. When i am finished he just stares at me.

He: "So Carmen isn't always bad?"

Me: "Karma is only bad when you are bad."

He: "Carmen is always mean to me."

Me: "Karma. K-A-R-M-A"

I explain it in a bit more detail. Suddenly the bright glow of realization shines in his eyes....

He: "I get it now, Carmen is God's nickname!!!!"

LMAO, and how on earth can you argue with that? I didn't and neither should you.

Shhhhhhhhhh, I don't want him to hear me....

It's 9am on day one of the Chore Chart being in residence. Jack got up and immediately disappeared into the kitchen for a few minutes. Then he came back muttering under his breath and counting something off on his fingers. I realized suddenly...

Me: "Good morning, were you checking the chart?"

He: "Mornin' Mamma, yes but I can't remember it all."

Me: "I have an idea...."

Before you panic, I didn't THINK about the idea - it just came to me. That means it is safe and will not destroy my timetable (unlike thinking, "I ought to blog about this before I forget" which will kill 30 minutes).

I got a piece of paper and a pen and we went into the kitchen. I told him the duties from wake up until breakfast and he wrote them down. He has completed everything almost totally on his own including scouring the house for all the reward chips he had scattered to the four winds. He started to be mouthy and pulled it right back together - that's right buddy... we don't want to cross off Mr. Frownie now do we???

If you have a sensational or simply HUMAN child and need an idea, this behavior chart worked wonders for us from the second it was implemented. In kindy Jack was getting "called out" over SIXTY times a day - this was an average from a week of his teacher keeping track. We'll just ignore the fact that to be in trouble THAT many times in K means your teacher is anal lol. But I digress... here's how it works:

Take a simple index card. We used the colored ones because, well, someone let me think and no harm could come of it... until the kid only wants to take one color and you are out of it.

On index card you draw a predetermined number of smileys and below the smileys in a box draw a frownie (Mr. Frownie).

Each time the child does something unacceptable or disrespectful they lose a smiley and HE/SHE is the one that must cross it off. It doesn't work as well unless they OWN the crossing off.

As long as they do not have Mr. Frownie crossed off by the end of the day it was a "good day". In our house that is rewarded by a chip, chips are saved up to earn treats - more on that in a minute. If Mr. Frownie is crossed off - Game Over. No TV, no dessert, eat dinner, have bath, go to bed, try again tomorrow.

Back to the chips. I love the chips! Jack loves the chips! Later we will make a fun chip bank (after I have finished all the crap I have to do and LAMINATED the chore chart lol and figured out what to make a chip bank out of. STOP HER SHE WILL BE THINKING LATER!!!!!).

Aided by the (soon to be laminated) chore chart Jack can earn up to 5 chips per day. 1 chip for completing his duties, 1 chip for remembering to go to the bathroom (don't ask) and the possibility of three "extra credit" chips for reading an extra book, doing extra math sheets and patching his eye an extra 2 hours. If he does something outstanding during the day like helps with something without being asked or helps someone or something like that - I will either give him another chip or let him pick from the goodie bag. I have a grab bag of little trinkets and slips of paper with treats written on them (stay up an extra half hour, Mommy will play Spyro with you for 30 min, get a cone at McDonald's, you pick dinner, etc).

Together we create a catalog of rewards and their chip value... a movie is 25 chips, a pay-per-view is 5 chips, putt-putt is 20 and so on. We can add to the catalog at any time and he can repeat rewards as often as he has chips to do so. It works well and turned him around because he feels in control of SOMETHING when most of the time he says his body and brain won't let him do what he wants. It also helps him "tell" his body and brain that he HAS to do X to get what he wants.

Whatever gets us through the day... and this gets us through the day with limited screaming and tears (from both of us), keeps him reading, works on his math and writing and keeps the damn patch on and makes him feel like he achieved something and makes me feel like an ok Mom because he feels good about helping and achieving!

OK, so I predicted 30 killed minutes til end of post.... *sigh* It is 10:03am

In the last hour I have:

Helped a friend in need
Conferenced about a name for my new biz. division
Helped Jack look for his patch
Had Jack clean his room
Took out the trash
Tried to make 4 phone calls
Spoke to 4 voice mails
Drank my instant breakfast
Took my many meds
Answered several emails and done my blog.

My day has just begun, but so far so good!

We are here, breathing and moving forward and trying to improve ourselves, our days and our lives one step at a time and hopefully with lots of love and laughter thrown in.

Runs with scissors...

I guess the first day of Pre-K is when someone else noticed Jack was "lagging". I remember walking in, trying to hold my emotions in check. My wee boy with his backpack trying to be brave while staying as close to us as possible, the smell of manila paper, freshly sharpened pencils and the "new school clothes" smell pervading the colorful space.

The teacher called them each by name and had them sit at their seats and cut photos out of magazines. All the other children got busy. Jack just stared at the scissors, looked increasingly concerned then buried his face in my lap and wept as my heart broke.

He: "I don't know how to do it. I want to go home."

Me: "Here, let me show you."

We worked at it and he got the hang of it enough that he said I could go. Rob and I went home to the house. The silent, still, too too quiet house. We sat on the couch and just looked at each other and the pets that looked at us as if to ask, "where is that small, loud one?" All of us just sat - quiet and still - and watched the numbers slowly change on the cable box until it was time to go get the boy.

When we picked him up he was so happy to see us. Ms. S. said he had done fairly well that she was sure he'd be ok once he settled in. The days passed, each of us becoming more comfortable with the new schedule and routine. One day at pick-up I was taken aside.

Jack only wants to play alone. No matter what I do he stays away from the other kids. He will talk to them but not get close. He also keeps slamming into walls and hitting himself in the head.

My heart sank and all the air went out of me and my world.

He was fine at the program he had been in the last two years except for rare "slamming" incidents. I filled in Ms. S. and she felt sure he would be ok once he got used to school. I hoped she was right but I wasn't sure.

As time went on the now familiar pattern began to assert itself. He is so smart, what a vocabulary, he only uses one color crayon, had trouble following lines, gross motor lags.

He finally opened up to the kids and the teacher. He would play by them but not so much with them. He loved all the manipulatives, it was a Montessori so it was great for him. Loved to do puzzles and build, would get in trouble for using the other manipulatives to build things. Ended up having a fairly good year but the stage had been set and the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach was firmly in place.

I tried, I swear I did. I Googled and Yahooed and harrassed the ped and asked other moms and read books and got told over and over he was fine, he would grow out of it, it is nothing to worry about. *I* knew it was and I was constantly told I was overreacting. The more I fought and searched the less I found and the more frightened I became. Depression soon overwhelmed the fright and I just pulled him closer, helped him along as much as I could and hoped that I was wrong and he would indeed outgrow it.

Time is not on my side....

I didn't know I had so many readers lol. OK so here I am and I keep working but nothing has been achieved today...well except for that chart over there. It started so innocently...

I noticed that Jack had done a less than stellar toothbrushing this morning. We go into the bathroom and I say,

Me: "You know it would be easy to make a little laminated thing to put on the wall to remind you to brush your teeth and turn off the light."

He: "and it can tell me to get dressed and to be good and to put the seat down...."

Me: "Well that would be a huge piece of paper. Let me think about it for a while."

He: "OK I will go watch Animal Planet."

Haven't we discussed that whole letting me think and make decisions thing here before?

Two hours, too much Tazo Awake on ice with tons of lemon (thank YOU very much) and lookie what I did lol. It turned out so great and Jack LOVED it!! He could not wait to start "being organized" LMAO!!! Truth is he couldn't wait to start earning chips!! Whatever gets us through the day right?

So by the time Daddy arrives he has accomplished some of his tasks. We show Daddy the wonder that is the hand painted demand for the child to be responsible and he responds with an acceptable level of awe and respect for my amazing artistic abilities. Red dry marker in hand we approach the chart to mark off what has been accomplished and tally the chips. I checked off the toothbrushing box and learned my first major lesson of the day:

Lesson #1: The ONLY thing that removes dried paint pen is dry erase marker.

CRAP! The men wisely disperse as I try to come up with a solution. I quickly came up with an idea, grabbed the board and ran out into the blinding and still heat of a Florida afternoon armed with clear-coat.

Lesson #2: Just because you are outside does not mean it is "well ventilated".

Lesson #3: Clear-coat on the storm door only looks cool to women. Men don't enjoy the "Monet-like" view of the backyard as much. They have no vision.

An hour later the newly protected chore chart again adorns the refrigerator. There is no one in sight. The men are frightened and hiding on the top bunk in the tent in Jack's room. I am not sure why as I made no sounds and threw no items when we had the first issue. This will work fine and they are missing it. Their loss.

Lesson #4: Clear-coat makes red dry erase marker PERMANENT unless you can SCRAPE it off in time (which I did thanks for asking).

Tomorrow morning I will stop at Staples - LOVE me some Staples - for clear contact paper.

So in recap:

Needed Chore Chart
Thought about writing chart
Realized I would have to laminate chart
Decided to paint chart
Realized I would still have to laminate chart

Thinking is bad for my health and my time management.

The chart IS cute as hell though.

Listen.... it's soooooo quiet .....

except for the thunder....

Daddy took Jack over to Grandma and Grandpa's so I could be alone and work! Never mind that I am blogging instead lol. I also told him I needed him to stop at the grocery store on the way home and despite looking terrified he said ok.

What makes a man so frightened of going to a store that is full of things to EAT. They see these items in their homes, on tv, at friend's homes. In my experience men enjoy consuming said items with reckless abandon and yet stepping foot into the grocer puts the fear of God into my husband. You would think I had told him he needed to stop into Victoria's Secret or something instead of asking for a head of lettuce, one tomato a cucumber and some sour cream (guess what we're having for dinner lol)

Anyway, I appreciate the thinking time. I guess I had better actually DO the work I need to while I can.

What attitude?

Ohmygosh this has got to be one of my all time favorite pictures of Jack. This was Thanksgiving night and he was mad because we wouldn't give him anymore pumpkin pie filling mixed with cool whip. The reason WHY we wouldn't give him anymore was because he was acting like a crazy baby and kept trying to do headstands and somersalts off the couch. We didn't feel like taking the 6 month old daredevil to All Kids that night. Mean Mamma!!!!!



He forgave me though... I knew he would!

He was Jack in the Box early on...

I was supposed to be working but ended up diverted by cleaning out and organizing the hard drive today. I didn't realize that I had almost all the Jack pics on this computer... took a couple of hours and gave R and I a ton of giggles. It's funny how you remember some things and forget others, for some reason I thought his cowlick was always the thick thatch it is now but this picture proves me wrong. While looking at this pic it also struck me that at this point in time Jack was becoming mobile and used to try and cram himself into any small space he could; boxes, laundry baskets, his toy box (after dumping the toys out). He still wanted to be swaddled and if R didn't get it tight enough he would be very verbal in his discontent. This was also the point where he began spinning on his hands and knees several times a day. It was funny at first to watch him whirl until he fell over into a giggling, drooling heap. His poor knees would be so red though and some days it seemed more like a compulsion than just something he liked to do which made me feel uneasy even then. The few I mentioned it to told me it was nothing and not to worry about it.





The climbing also started around that time. I remember looking at that chubby wee guy and worrying that he would never walk because his legs wouldn't be able to hold him up! I should have been worrying about other things. His engineering abilities became very apparent with no warning. The evening this was taken he managed to construct a ladder in about 10 minutes and worked his way halfway up the wall unit onto a fairly high shelf. We began simply removing items from his "zone" that we thought he could move or use to build... idiots that we were we thought that would be enough. The child would push funiture or anything else he could find to his desired location and put it to use. This was done rapidly and with ninja-like stealth. Our house is tiny and at most you are only ever two steps away from anyone. We began carrying him to the bathroom or kitchen if we were alone with him to keep him from being on the ceiling fan when we came back!

I said from the first time I held that boy that he was going places.... we were always terrified of where the next place we would find him would be!

First Day and Last Day....

I thought it would be fun to put a picture of the beautiful boy from the first day of first grade and the last day of first grade together and see the physical changes but I see other changes as well. I see more confidence and fewer teeth, a Begerow chin with Williams cheeks, the cowlick stands taller and so does he, a very obvious sense of humor shines through now as well as the sweetness that was obvious before. He is still a skinny little man - obviously from Daddy's side lol.

His report card, in my opinion was good. He got E(xcellent)s in Art and Science, V(ery good)s in PE, Reading, Social Studies, S(atisfactory)s in Music and Math and an N(eeds Improvement) in writing. No surprises for me but oh lawsy you should have heard the discussion by the teacher and an aide referring to the fact that academically he is doing great and yet behaviorally not so much and how that doesn't fit with ADHD ....

DUH freaking DUH DUH DUH!!!!!!!!!!

Did you every want to scream so badly but were afraid to start for fear you'd never be able to stop again? Those people are already scared enough of me lol! Oh well they have to put up with us a few more years and then I can go off and terrorize the middle school LMAO!

I never thought of taking an end of year pic before, I will have to keep doing it!

Forget the three Rs, I have the three Ss...

Jack has been out of school for the summer for three and a half days. I am ready to lose it. I thought it would be nice to give him a few days to decompress and just live by his own clock....

I think it would be really nice if someone would smack me if I ever think something like that again.

Lesson number 437 of having a sensational kid: The key to living life without sprinkling your post toasties with Prozac each morning is Structure, Schedule and Sleep (for Mamma).

He has been a maniac, wonderfully behaved for the rest of the world and just a pita for me. I had to take him to a job today and he had his tote loaded with all kinds of things to do. Instead he went from office to office "entertaining" his "friends". O M G. Now, this is a volunteer gig I do every year and it was a Friday afternoon BUT he is old enough to know better.

The ladies in the office all said, "oh he's so cute don't worry about it".... WHY do people say that? I mean yes, of course he is cute but he is standing right there and I have just disciplined him and they undermine me and he works the banana giving, sticker sharing, chocolate sneaking crowd. Then comes to tell me loves me - riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. I know they are saying it to put me at ease so I don't stress that he is annoying them.... he is annoying ME. He has lied to ME and he now thinks he can do whatever he wants there EXCEPT listen to and OBEY ME!

THEN on the way home he tries to spin it, "My brain made me not listen to you."

Do I look like I fell off the Mommy truck YESTERDAY?????

Structure, Schedule, Seagrams.... Oh wait, that's wishful thinking ... Monday we will put our plan into action as best we can:

7am - Get up - whether we want to or not, have something light to eat

7:30ish - Take a nice walk in the neighborhood (we will be watching our neighbor's almost 3 month old so that may vary)

8:30ish - Have a nice brekkie and Jack will read a book of his choosing

9:00ish - Jack will do brushing and compressions and maybe some jump time if he would like

9:30ish - Jack will do a couple of math sheets (in or out of body sock as he chooses)

Then he can do what he likes or whatever we have to do that day. Dinner will be followed by writing in his summer journal, a bath and bed.

Cross your fingers! He is all for it, hopefully it will work out!

Jack brought home an award today....

Ok, brace yourself. It was a WRITING award. Jack, my Jack, the Jack who snaps pencils in half to avoid writing. That Jack, my beautiful, fabulous, amazingly hard working boy got a writing award. I don't care that the whole class got one. The whole class gets lots of things but he was so stinking proud:

He: "Mamma, I got something to show you and you will never believe it!"
Me: "What is it Wee?"
He: "You have to guess..."
Me: "is it a..."
He: "An award Mamma!!! A WRITING award, with my name on it!!!!!"

Which they spelled wrong - UGH

Whoohooooooooo!!!!!!!!! I would like to thank the academy and of course Bridget and Bobby (OT Goddess and her OT Resident) without whom none of this would have been possible.....ok, realistically it would have been possible. Many would have been maimed or injured in the process though and this has been relatively injury free!

Jack was having a super-freak drama-fest over a tiiiiiny pinprick on his foot tonight. You wouldn't believe it unless you saw it. He loses his blooming mind anytime blood is involved. I am serious too, if you wiped it with a tissue there would be nothing there! So to divert the impending lunatic asylum admission I suggested he read to me. And he actually did.

The child who this time last year would refuse to read a book with more than three words on a page read two chapters of Peter Pan to me tonight. He is already reading well into second grade levels. It is a thing of beauty to see him curl up with the book instead of holding it like a live snake. Tonight he even copied me and used voices for the characters! I (of course) was crying (a shock to all) but he didn't see me. When he was finished I said

Me: "Wow Jack! You did an awesome job reading that to me tonight!"
He: "I know Mamma, wasn't that too cool!!??!!"

He is too cool for school!

Who gave you permission to get so big?

Well Mamma, I guess Jesus did!

The speed with which the time has flown since Jack has been on Earth amazes me on a daily basis. How tricky is time that it seems only moments pass when it has actually been years, some days if feels like we have eternity and yet...we never have enough time do we?

Saturday was another "BIG" day, another step away from babyhood and on towards the man he will one day be.

Jack Crossed Over from Bobcat to Tiger Saturday. The Crossover was at Walsingham Park. It was one of those days that was gorgeous to experience (if you were on the air conditioned side of a window)! It was a sunny, hot, beautiful location and surrounded by friends and family.

Jack withstood the heat like an absolute trooper, which is huge for him. Ordinarily a day like that would have him in a frenzy of discomfort; scratchy shirt, sweat rolling down, soggy socks, hot hat. He would look at me periodically like, "HOW am I going to survive this?!?!" But he did and I was so proud!

Lunch was pizza - which the boy detests - I know, I know. I don't like it either and people think Jack and I are aliens or something. You should just SEE other mom's faces when they ask Jack his favorite dinner and his reply is,

"Salmon with pesto and some broccoli."

That's my wee gourmand! That being said, he eats all the same junk as other kids as evidenced by the TWO root beer floats and the cupcake he ate at Crossover!!

It was a wonderful day, despite the heat. We got lucky and staked out a big tree by the lake and we all camped under it. It just felt so good to sit with these people and be myself and know that I can be my smart-ass self and it is appreciated (I think) and not judged, we call out whomever's kid is screwing up without thinking twice and spoil them all equally.

I realized the other night that I finally feel like I belong, that I fit in, that I am a part of this life I have now. All the years of infertility hell, I never fit with the friends I had then, I didn't belong to their easy party world or their family fun world as the case may be. I was always on the edge, on some fine line of my own. When I was pregnant everything was still eggshells and at that point most of my friends were young and single and prowling clubs.

Early on when Jack came home I didn't fit in with the moms I knew because they were either SAHM and couldn't understand that although I was home I worked or they were working moms who thought I had it so easy. It was hard to explain to either faction so I quit trying.

I have this life for a reason and while I wish Jack will not have to face the challenges and the labels he inevitably will, I am so lucky to have the people around us that I do. My family is so far away, I IM my Sister in Law as often as I can and drive my parents crazy with hours long phone calls, but it isn't the same. I have finally met some truly true friends who, "Lord love 'em" (as my Nana used to say), accept and care about us "just as we are"! (Thank you Bridget Jones and OMG is Colin Firth dreamy or what!?!?!)

I am "here" there's no getting around it, you're stuck with me.